Always love how republicans and conservatives are constantly so preoccupied with sex, sex, sex all the time and in ever more imaginative and obscure ways.
I now associate their religious beliefs to sex, Jesus, sex, guns, sex, the American flag and sex.
Did you say “Jesus sex”?
Is this the second cumming?
It wasn’t the first temptation of Christ, and it sure as hell won’t be the last.
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WT ACTUAL F did I just see
That guy was called Longinus. His lance is legendary I hear
Biggus Dickus is next in line.
Jesus Fucking Christ … literary!
Jesus is coming…. grab a towel.
Not healthy sex - fucked up power-games sex.
… so S&M and BDSM? … the power of the Lord, with a ball strap to your mouth.
It can’t be, because BDSM is too consensual for them
Consent is the cornerstone of BDSM and ideally any kind of power exchange is discussed beforehand and freely agreed upon by all parties involved.
Oh good … what’s the safe word in Texas then?
Hold yer horses
I think they mean the “You want the job, but not the dick? That’s not how this works.” kind of sex.
Genital Obsessed Party
“The government needs to stay out of people’s lives! Unless it’s the private activities of people I find icky, then they should control the hell out of them!”
Modern conservative mentality … “Everyone should suffer and be sacrificed for my benefit, in this life and the next!”
… actually, it’s always been like that,
“So, what are you in for?”
“Seventh dildo.”
This was one of the laws broken in Half As Interesting’s “Crime Spree,” which became the pilot of their series “Jet Lag: The Game.”
If you have Nebula, it’s worth a watch.
Finally found a quest I’m absolutely sure my D&D group has NEVER played before.
Enterprising Texan pervert invents a dual-function gun-dildo that is constitutionally exempt from sex toy laws.
Pump action shotgun dildo
I have seen some interesting sawzalls online…
Even better would be a pump action shot gun dildo in the shape of a cross with a beautiful carved image of Christ on the cross on top of the shot gun.
I know it’s not what you described but it reminded me of this:
…Jesus Christ
Dildo H Christ
That looks like a Pez dispenser … but I don’t think it dispenses candy
A gun made entirely out of weed. Why hasn’t this been done before!
Cheech and Chong were on the right track with their weed van.
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How’s fixing that power grid going, Texas?
So surprisingly a couple things have actually happened. Renewables are still showing explosive growth, it helped stave off as many rolling blackouts this summer. Also, they finally agreed to tie into the national grid.
Now, did they actually winterize and help prevent what happened a few years ago? Who knows, we haven’t been told shit so probably not.
Well, credit where it’s due I suppose.
Perhaps that explains why legislators keep finding time to meddle in people’s pants.
I was completed floored about the tying into the national grid part. I never thought I’d see that in my life.
Knowing them, it was probably just cheaper to tie in vs fixing anything. Also our explosive population growth would have made boosting our infrastructure almost impoosible…oh wait I meant cost them too much money.
They can do two things at once.
They’re not, but they could.
It’s Texas Republicans we’re talking about here. I’m not at all convinced that they can.
We did fuck all and ERCOT is optimistic about the winter for some reason.
Global avg temp has increased, so better odds of it not freezing…
Global warming increases the likelihood of the polar vortex destabilizing, which is what caused the last clusterfuck.
I was gonna say: “Yes, but also, no.”
This is basically why we abandoned the abstract “global warming” for the abstract-er “climate change”. Some places are just going to see amplified extremes throughout the year rather than fewer seasons.
“Compromises the innocence of children”???
Unless you are incredibly liberal parents, children don’t even know what the fuck those are until they’re old enough to recognize it as anything more than just a “tube”. By the time they grasp the idea that it’s something sexual, they’re old enough to handle that knowledge.
“smaller government” apparently just means few dildos for the inspector to have to count.
Republicans have long wanted a government small enough to fit inside a vagina.
If they can outlaw a specific store from selling something, they can outlaw any store from selling anything. This isn’t just about sex toys, it’s a test to see what they can get away with.
Tbf, the bill targets “retail stores,” not specifically Walmart.
The point stands. There is no TBF here.
I wouldn’t give them that much credit - sometimes a cigar is just a cigar, and this dildo wants to ban dildoes. Because “chirren”.
Exqueeze me? The fuck? Is that real?
Edit: yes. Although it’s mired in legislative gobbledygook:
Sec. 43.23. OBSCENITY. (a) A person commits an offense if, knowing its content and character, he wholesale promotes or possesses with intent to wholesale promote any obscene material or obscene device.
(b) Except as provided by Subsection (h), an offense under Subsection (a) is a state jail felony.
© A person commits an offense if, knowing its content and character, he:
(1) promotes or possesses with intent to promote any obscene material or obscene device; or
(2) produces, presents, or directs an obscene performance or participates in a portion thereof that is obscene or that contributes to its obscenity.
(d) Except as provided by Subsection (h), an offense under Subsection © is a Class A misdemeanor.
(e) A person who promotes or wholesale promotes obscene material or an obscene device or possesses the same with intent to promote or wholesale promote it in the course of his business is presumed to do so with knowledge of its content and character.
(f) A person who possesses six or more obscene devices or identical or similar obscene articles is presumed to possess them with intent to promote the same.
So, women seem to be exempt (“he possesses with intent”) and it is a “performance”. Whatever that means. And it’s a misdemeanor.
But it’s real. Can have six dildos in a performance, but more than six? Oooh that’s a paddlin’.
The documentary, Dildo Diaries, explores the topic in great, and sometimes hilarious detail. I happened to see this film around 2003, at a small art cinema, with Laura Barton and Judy Wilder present. So afterwards we had a Q&A. At that time one could sell/posses a ‘representative model’ for demonstrating how to put on a condom, but it was illegal if it also vibrated. And one could sell/ possess a non-anatomically correct ‘dildo’, which could legally vibrate. But one could not sell / purchase both from the same store. There were/ are literally stores that have an interior door dividing the two types. Also, if I recall correctly, there were limits on how many one could have, and categories including ‘collectors’ for those that had more than 6, I think.
Well, I find this law to be obscene, so I guess it’s illegal.
One mans obscenity is another man’s pleasure. I would normally say the Supreme Court will strike this down quickly, but you know where we are
That gives me a hell of an idea for a stage act up here in NYC
That law looks like it’s written so that they could arrest me for having 6 books they didn’t like. Obscene could mean anything here. It just screams “selective punishment”.
It is defined earlier in the law but it was too long and boring to paste in. It still boils down to “obscene” items, which - yeah.
Typically in legalese like this, “he” isn’t denoting only people who use that pronoun, it’s understood to apply to all people.
The law as you posted seems to be equating owning more than six “obscene devices” with an intent to sell them, or use them as part of a business, whether that actually is the intent or not. It also notes that have multiple “devices” that are the same or similar is also an offense (so having two identical or even similar sex toys even if you have fewer than six total would also be a misdemeanor).
But you can claim they are for medical or psychiatric purpose and have as many as you need:
(g) It is an affirmative defense to prosecution under this section that the person who possesses or promotes material or a device proscribed by this section does so for a bona fide medical, psychiatric, judicial, legislative, or law enforcement purpose
Typically in legalese like this, “he” isn’t denoting only people who use that pronoun, it’s understood to apply to all people.
Yeah but it’s an interesting defense. There are laws that only apply to women, aren’t there? And they dont’ use “he”. You’d lose, but it’d be an interesting case.
And the definitions section was too long to paste in, but you can get there from the link in the article.
you can legally own more guns than sex toys in the Lone Star State
I mean, unless it’s defined elsewhere, it’s leaving an awful lot of space to interpret “obscenity”…
It is defined earlier in the statute. You can get to it through the link in the article, it goes right there.
The Texas House has at least 87 dildos. Someone should report them.
In Texas, owning more dildos than guns is a crime. Probably.
They probably have some that are dual purpose.
I don’t agree, but I’ve also literally never seen a sex toy for sale in Walmart. Like, is that a thing?
look near the condoms. You’ll find some really basic and boring ones.
Last time I looked (years ago, admittedly) you’d also have to know what you were looking for to find it. Like a plain box with no pictures that just says “personal massager”. You can find racier stuff in a Spencer’s.
You know, studies show that keeping a dildo inside the house is more dangerous than a loaded gun. That’s why I own 10 guns, in case some maniac tries to sneak in a dildo.
Most likely snuck one in whilst you were typing. You need to be more vigilant.
One for each day of the week except God’s day, as He said “on the seventh day you must [give it a] rest”
Uhm, you can buy dildos at Walmart?
Why has nobody told me before now?
Support small businesses, don’t get your dildos from Walmart
You must not buy feminine products or condoms/lube at Walmart then lol.
Yes you can! Except they’re usually locked in a display case and you have to go and get someone to help you get one
I always like to ask if they have anything bigger in the back.
Normalize mailing Texas lawmakers 7 dildos.
Nooo. That’s what they want you to do.
It’s been their whole plan all along!
Do they want used ones?
Of course it’s possible to own more than 6 assault rifles, right?
Only if you compromise and get the assault rifles without dildo attachments. Unacceptable to me, that’s why I don’t live in Texas.
Not if you get the wrong type of pleasure out of those rifles I guess…
Suzie no! Don’t put the rife there!
