this post was submitted on 27 Sep 2024
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Lemmy Shitpost

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Welcome to Lemmy Shitpost. Here you can shitpost to your hearts content.

Anything and everything goes. Memes, Jokes, Vents and Banter. Though we still have to comply with lemmy.world instance rules. So behave!


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1. Be Respectful


Refrain from using harmful language pertaining to a protected characteristic: e.g. race, gender, sexuality, disability or religion.

Refrain from being argumentative when responding or commenting to posts/replies. Personal attacks are not welcome here.

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Posting the same post, no matter the intent is against the rules.

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all 28 comments
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[–] altima_neo@lemmy.zip 42 points 1 month ago (3 children)
[–] GissaMittJobb@lemmy.ml 11 points 1 month ago

Nature's pocket

[–] lowleveldata@programming.dev 4 points 1 month ago

Just keep it sealed tight

[–] MIDItheKID@lemmy.world 1 points 1 month ago

I prefer the term "Keister stash"

[–] dharmacurious@slrpnk.net 28 points 1 month ago (1 children)

I mean, I guess it depends on where he's keeping his phone while nude. He might enjoy a little nude pickpocketing, if he's open minded, and the pickpocket has sufficient lube

[–] Aurenkin@sh.itjust.works 10 points 1 month ago

It does leave your flesh pockets awfully exposed

[–] 58008@lemmy.world 22 points 1 month ago (1 children)

This is why I keep my front door key in my foreskin. Either I evade the pickpocket, or I make a new friend. I cannot lose.

As a younger man, I was able to unlock the door hands-free. These days, I need to fish the key out of my floppy beige KKK hood like a sock trapped in a duvet cover on laundry day.

[–] Daxter101@lemmy.blahaj.zone 4 points 1 month ago (1 children)

I call this comment, the "58008's Wild Ride"

[–] harmsy@lemmy.world 2 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) (1 children)

Mr. Skeltal's was worse.

Edit: I misremembered the meme. It was Mr. Bones. Doot doot.

[–] rickyrigatoni@lemm.ee 1 points 1 month ago

You thank mr skeltal for helping you get off mr bones wild ride.

[–] Hossenfeffer@feddit.uk 18 points 1 month ago (2 children)

I keep my keys in my prison pocket. Along with my phone. And my wallet. And my EDC pocket knife. And a Leatherman. And a Moleskin and a couple of pens. And a tactical flashlight. And a small first aid kit.

I do walk a bit funny though.

[–] SpaceNoodle@lemmy.world 9 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Which tactics do you employ with that flashlight?

[–] Hossenfeffer@feddit.uk 7 points 1 month ago

Strike hard, strike first, show no mercy!

[–] NaibofTabr@infosec.pub 3 points 1 month ago (1 children)

So, like, which one goes in first? And if you need that, do you have to pull everything else out of your pocket to get to it?

[–] Hossenfeffer@feddit.uk 5 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Nah, they go in any order and then you just kind of... rootle around in there.

[–] NaibofTabr@infosec.pub 1 points 1 month ago

Cool, cool cool cool... your pocket knife isn't spring-assisted is it? or a gravity knife?

[–] Sendpicsofsandwiches@sh.itjust.works 12 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago)

That's where you're wrong: for nature's pocket can still be picked and it doesn't even need to be full to do so

[–] jaybone@lemmy.world 5 points 1 month ago (3 children)

Bro needs to do some manscaping on his eyebrows for real fam, no cap.

[–] eran_morad@lemmy.world 5 points 1 month ago
[–] MelastSB@sh.itjust.works 2 points 1 month ago

You're just jealous

[–] CluckN@lemmy.world 2 points 1 month ago

On jah the Rizzler is going to flush this bozo down the skibidi toilet.

[–] nonentity@sh.itjust.works 4 points 1 month ago

…he enjoys it.

[–] pH3ra@lemmy.ml 2 points 1 month ago

"Hold my bear" I wispered, reaching for my kitchen tongs

[–] niktemadur@lemmy.world 2 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Yeah but what about nutkicking, then?

[–] morrowind@lemmy.ml 3 points 1 month ago

Simple, just get into cbt

[–] NegativeInf@lemmy.world 1 points 1 month ago

Jokes on you, I keep my bills rolled in my foreskin.

[–] rain_worl@lemmy.world 0 points 2 weeks ago

keep it in your sunburn