You are “DOOM!”

Can’t you read? It’s right there.

Got a despairing sigh from my wife who is now regretting some of her life choices. Well one of them at least.

Good work!

Fuck vapers billowing out their enormous clouds of nauseating, fetid, fruit guffs. I don’t want to smell your straw-fucking-berry exhalation, you self-absorbed wankers.

OP should just brush that hype off.

I’ve got the pox, so that’s a pretty clear sign that the end times are upon us.

Yes. Apparently, they can.

Bugger, But also, heil, leader Trump, I suppose.

Shocking. I have a small studio flat (it’s not much but comfortable) in a surgical operating theatre but will they let me incinerate tyres in an old oil drum? No, they will not!

Almost exactly 10 years ago. My wife and her best friend went away for a week and took the kids with them. I had a bunch of holiday saved up so I took the week off work and had the house to myself. I spent the first two days tidying, cleaning, and doing chores - so I wouldn’t have to end the week doing that and so when my wife got home she’d be happy because that means a lot to me.

But that still left five days of utterly selfish me-time.

I arranged to see precisely no-one (a combination of depression and a yearning for peace and quiet). I moved my XBox into the living room with the big TV. I slept in, ordered takeaways, played video games, watched films with more fights and car chases and explosions than my wife enjoys, went for the occasional pointless, destinationless drive (playing Metallica and Iron Maiden and Pink Floyd too loud), and the occasional walk just to shake off the cobwebs (and maybe visit an old-man pub where there are no jukeboxes or fruit machines or people who will talk at you). I even spent most of the last day just reading a book. I never get that much peace and quiet.

What a week.

I’d definitely pay for another like it.

Fuck vapes and fuck vapers. I don’t want to breathe your cloud of toxic fake-fruit-smelling shit.

Surely you mean pic-a-nic basket?

That poor bastard yak (or whatever) wandered into the wrong canyon that day.

Ugh. Well played!

Blantness, lol. Buffoon.

Good! Any civilised society should have good public toilets and good public libraries.

Again, this is not the original, but I seem to recall seeing it in the late 90s.

And this was definitely 90s.

Cheetahs don’t have retractable claws, therefore dog.

Is he sure?

Lovely, thank you!

I feel kink-shamed by some of these comments. I love watching a bald-headed linesman. Mmm. Nnnnnrgh!