I am 25(M) and never even touched hand of opposite sex, at this point i am kinda sure that im going to be alone in my life, but i just cant get over it. I am ugly and skinny, and as for recent started going bald. Have some heart issues so no heavy physical work. I have no chance. So i wanted to move on from this state of mind, and just focus on work and hobbies. How can i do so? Do you have any advice you can share?
i tried to chat with kinda ugly girl few years ago, but shes ghosted after few days, im probably not much of a talker, dont know how to talk with opposite sex, and we didnt have much in common
Do you know how to talk to the same sex? If so I have a secret for you: it’s the exact same thing.
well, im actually dont know. I never had a problem talking with males, most of them had some kind of interest we shared, and it was pretty easy to go with converstation, with girls, not so much, most of girls i talked with didnt have same interests or anything i could talk about. In my eyes its easier with boys, but its just me
What are your interests? If you already have interests that’s a great start. It might be difficult in your area to find women who like the same shit as you, but there will be some. And if you’re going out only trying to talk to ‘ugly women’ as you said, they will get the vibe that you think they’re ugly and not wanna talk to you. Every women can just be a friend the same way you have make friends. Start by trying to increase your friend group with both genders and I’m sure you’ll find someone you’re interested in and who’s interested in you.
Well, i have a degree in computer science, i like a lot stuff about pc, coding. I also like art in general, i even draw sometimes and want to get better at it.
Go to an art group. If you’re in a city there’s probably several. Stuff like drawing in the park is downright normie of a hobby. You’ll get better and find yourself chatting with people who share an interest
im not that skilled for an art group, maybe sometime in the future, but right now my drawings are childish and its kinda cringe in a way
Kill the cop in your head dude. People sketching in the park aren’t there because they’re good at sketching, they’re there because the park is lovely, sketching is fun, and it’s nice to combine those with other people who like them
I assure you there are plenty of women out there that are into that kind of thing.
But my advice? Focus on the getting better at drawing bit. Hobbies are attractive. Don’t forget that. Work on yourself first.
Yeah, but how to find that kind of women? Most of women i tried to approach are into stuff that i dont like. Finding internet groups that like same stuff? I dunno, isnt that creepy when random dude trying to get acquainted through messaging? A lot of female artist i find are already taken or married. Going to some conventions? Im not sure im ready for that kind of stuff as an introvert
That’s the hard bit. That’s why I emphasize working on yourself and hobbies first. The confidence that comes with that will help.
Don’t make the goal finding a partner. Instead be someone people want to be around. If men are easier to talk to try to work yourself up to finding ways to be around more of them and more often.
Some of them will know women. Putting yourself around more will increase the chances of finding yourself around a women that you can find yourself talking to.
All of this is easier said than done but it can be done.
This is a problem a lot of guys have. Don’t fall into this trap of putting women on a pedestal because they’re women. And I’m not saying that to say be mean/demean/disrespectful to them either, but to treat them as equals. Don’t talk to women in any sort of unique way than you would a guy. Talk to her like anyone else. (Assuming you’re a kind person who treats others with respect. If you’re not, you should consider changing that to be more appealing to others and just to be a decent person.)
To be truthful, a lot of women actually like a guy who doesn’t seem to be interested in them than a guy who’s fawning over them. And I think we as guys are the same way, but we just don’t notice it often. If a woman followed you everywhere and talked to you and other guys differently than she did with other women, you’d probably think she was fake and it’d turn you off. Plus there’s a sort of chase we humans like. It’s kind of fun, in a weird way, to wonder if they like you or not and have that mystery of who you’re interested in and if it could be her above other women.
And there’s also this element of confidence that is seen in you being you and not treating others differently because of their sex. You come off as confident in yourself and mature, not caring about being someone who is just acting a certain way to make people like you. Your attitude of treating everyone the same tells people “this is who I am, and if you don’t like it, so what” and people find that attractive.
It’s a bit of a long thing, but eventually you’ll get to a place where either it becomes obvious a woman is interested in you and you see your “in” to pursue a relationship or she actually makes a move on you first and catches you off guard. Either way, you’re going to be where your hopes are today. And it’s hard, but try not to try so hard. The trying often comes across to people and smells of desperation and is a turn off, way more than any physical trait of ugliness ever can be.
women and men aren’t entirely separate species
Honestly, you’re probably overthinking it, which is understandable given the situation. But talking to a person of the opposite sex shouldn’t be any different than talking to a person of the same sex when you’re befriending and getting to know them. Women are human beings at the end of the day, all there is to it is to really listen, ask follow-up questions, basically just keep the conversation going if you genuinely feel interested in the person.
If not, that’s fine, too! You don’t have to force anything just for the sake of it. In fact, as bad as it may sound, it’s better to call it and go your separate ways rather than force it for yourself or for your interlocutor.
you are probably right, but most of the girls i talked with didnt have anything that we could share, so converstations end up pretty quickly, with same sex i found it much easier
Hmm, try talking about life stuff! Dreams, hopes, fears, past experiences (although I’d recommend avoiding past relationships as a subject, at least for the first couple of months), things like that! Doesn’t have to be a shared interest necessarily, anything can be interesting once you get enough details about it!
I once dated a woman who was really into cross stitching. I’m barely functional with a sewing needle, but the more I asked her about techniques, about how she mapped out her designs, how she selected the threads, the more I came to realise just how complex that activity can be! I still suck with a needle, but I have a lot more respect for people who like doing this!
its seems nice, but i think this topics will run out pretty fast if you dont share some interests in common, at least it was for me when a person was outgoing, party type, going to concerts and stuff, and im more like a house cat. Yeah i talked with them about it for a bit but i didnt know what to ask about it. At some point i even thought to ask chatgpt what shouldve i asked :D but in my head thats not a very lively conversation
Honestly, from what I’ve seen, shared topics don’t really matter that much! I’ve dated people with whom I’ve had very few shared interests, but we got along well in terms of perspectives, in terms of thinking about things, in terms of values, etc.
It’s not as much the granular minutiae, it’s more about the person as a whole. It’s about really getting to know them, to understand them. I actually think it’s even more interesting when there aren’t as many shared interests as long as philosophical aspects are compatible, as there’s a lot of new information for me to explore! Plus you never know when you’ll learn something you didn’t even know would interest you!
And it applies to the other person as well, my most “uncommon” hobbies frequently generate the most questions. For instance, I like Warhammer 40k lore and painting miniatures. I’ve never once dated someone who was familiar with 40k, but, boy, did they get me talking about it once I started delving into the lore and such!
Enthusiasm and passion are the most potent elements centered around interests, even more than the subject itself!
‘Crazy’ cat ladies are a literal stereotype. If you’re a house cat, there’s someone out there looking for that vibe
for that vibe - yes, but again im not attractive at all, someone notices me and prly will think about friendship at max. I am not saying friendships are bad - no, they are good if they are genuine, but it’s just might be not what i’m looking for, or looked…
that’s your problem, not being ugly.
here’s how to talk to the opposite sex:
talk to them like just some random guy you’re not thinking about fucking.
if you’re bad at that too, practice striking up conversations with strangers.