Ask Lemmy

I don’t trust anyone who isn’t depressed right now

Nearly everyone close to me is not depressed.

Hope things get better for you. Most likely they will.

Clinically, no.

Do I have occasional feelings of sadness, anxiety, ennui, helplessness, despair, lack of motivation, etc, and do bad things happen in my life?

Yes, absolutely, that's a part of being human.

Am I happy?

Well that's a more complicated question than it may seem.

Am I totally satisfied with every aspect of my life and the world around me as it is now and where it seems to be going?

No, not by a longshot.

Is my situation "good enough" for now, does it seem like things will improve for me, do my good days outnumber the bad, am I overall enjoying life and looking forward to hopefully many more years of it, am I able to spend time with people I love, in places I want to be, doing things I like and want to do?

Overall, yes. Not that there isn't plenty of room for things to improve for me and lots of things that I would change if I could but I can't, but I'm getting enough of the things I want out of life that I can say that overall I'm happy.

One year ago, I was told I had 1 to 3 years to live. A few months later, it turned out that wasn’t the case after all. Let me tell you, that whipsaw from impending doom to having a future really changes the perspective. Even when I’m upset or downtrodden, I remember that being able to experience it is a gift.

Years ago I used to say, “another day on my way to the sweet release of death”. Lemme tell you, knowing it’s coming is not what you want or think it will be.

I’m confused, are you talking about literal depression or just feeling generally sad/down?

I’m diagnosed with depression, have been since I was a teenager, but I don’t know many others that are.

When I was six and in first grade, the teachers directed me to the school psychologist. But it was the early 1970s and people had just seen The Exorcist and believed it was based on a true story, so when it came to me, I was just a bit odd.

It would turn into a diagnosis Major Depression in my early twenties, severe enough to get disability benefits. It would become Anaclitic Depression in my late twenties. Around fifty, I was the subject of my psychotherapist's PHD thesis and got an ASD diagnosis out of it. I'm now enby, though through most of my life I was [M] because that's what it said on my state ID. Whatever.

When I was in a partial hospital program, the fine doctors who answered questions explained some models regarding sanity, that almost everyone has to contend at very least with neuroses, which are characterized by internal conflicts. Those are like:

• Wanting to be a kind person vs. wanting to adequately compete in the corporate sector to gain some upward mobility.
• Wanting to be civil (and within the constraints of legality) vs. wanting to fully express outrage for local or national injustice
• Wanting my daughter to grow up with a healthy sexuality vs. Not wanting her to express her adulthood just yet.

This was in the nineties, in which the US was undergoing an epidemic of mental illness, featuring a lot of major depression. There are reservations in the academic sector as to opine why -- I expect -- for the same reason climatologists who are willing to discuss the expected outcome of the current climate path are rare: It leads to come uncomfortable truths that our society is not ready to address. In the case of everybody crazy, the hypothesis is that it's intergenerational. We're not meant to exist in a society where every adult is required to work forty-plus hours a week (plus breaks, plus commute). We're also meant to have parents who are not exhausted all the time. The madness is intergenerational, with cumulative family dysfunction getting passed down, as people not only neglect their kids, but self medicate to cope, so they're even less available.

So, no, the possibility that everyone is crazy is not crazy at all. It's a product of the industrial age. What's worse is the psychiatric community is expected to treat it as a medical issue. Toxic work life and toxic home life making you depressed? Here, take some pills. If you can afford to sob at a therapist one hour a week, do so. In any other situation we'd remove the patients from the hazardous area but that would cause the economy to collapse, because that's the entire workforce.

There are some capitalists who are aware they get better productivity out of their workforce by acknowleding they are human beings, not machines, but those are the rare exceptions. The rest of them believe J. D. Vance has a point. So we're not going to move towards any rational solutions for a while.

I don't have any solutions to this.

For my own case, I've reframed my own life as a renegade in a society that has, itself, gone entirely rogue. We are the punk in the cyberpunk dystopia we live in. This is your YAF coming of age story where the ministries try to mold you into a solder or laborer for some billionaire's vanity project, to be used and discarded like a disposable part. Find a way to escape and run!

Or if you're my age, find the places where Big Brother is blind to your thoughts and actions, and subvert the system from within.

I remember just giving up on life in second grade, refusing to participate or do anything because I was sad. Got tested a bunch after that and given pills that mad me a zombie.

There on out I was treated as a weird kid and that brought a different kind of sadness. Puberty added anger and suicidal ideation. The knowledge that I was fucked up, the world was fucked up, and my life wasn't going to work out.

Years later here I am, living with the knowledge I was right and watching myself fail at life, finding no joy or peace in anything. Everything is an open sore. Wondering when I'll get to a point where I rage quit.

I think most of the people I know are anxious or depressed, or both. Hut I don't know of anyone close to me who is at my level.

Where'd you grow up where everyone is depressed? Detroit? I kid, Detroiters. Y'all got some things going on.

But naw; not depressed and don't know too many depressed people.

I'm the proud owner of "treatment resistant depression", so yes. I've been sad my whole life but I started having suicidal ideation in my late 20's.

I have a therapist and a psychiatrist so I am medicated and working on it.

Depressions sucks, but the SSRIs that I am on have wiped out my anxiety. It's like I am a completely new person. I can go grocery shopping without nearly panicking. Somehow I found an (ex) wife before I was medicated but dating is now not quite as painful.

But yeah, I still have varying levels of bad days and I don't know what happy actually means for me.

I am not depressed, and I don't think I have ever been (outside of maybe a few days or weeks of sadness when tragic things occurred, but I don't think that would be classified as depression).

Am I happy? I think so. Maybe it's more of a contentedness?

I don't really think of most of the people around me as depressed either. But maybe it's just that they hide it, or maybe it's just that I don't see it due to my own outlook.

Are you depressed?

I guess so. Yeah, I am.

Do you know anyone NOT depressed?

IMHO, those who didn't gaze into the abyss, yet. For "if you gaze long enough into the abyss, the abyss gazes also into you". And the abyss is part of our reality, the dark emptiness that fills us all, both scientifically (99.9% of empty space inside any atom), esoterically (the primordial waters, Tohu Va-bohu, Nuith, Chaos, the Qlippoths, the Yin, Shakti, and so on) and philosophically (nihilism and absurdism). Everyone will gaze into the abyss someday, the light will and must gaze into darkness. She's inevitable. For She is everywhere and nowhere.

Do you mean clinically depressed or just unhappy with life?

I know a couple people who are clinically depressed. They take medication for it. It helps.

Most people I know seem to be doing more or less okay. Not counting like stress about climate change and the political landscape and what not. But like one friend just did a nice trip with his partner, another guy I know just had a nice birthday party, another person's enjoying her new job, etc etc.

I have never been really depressed, even in bad times in my life I was able to see a better future. My mother has been diagnosed with depression when she was around 30 but when we look at any pictures from the past, other than her wedding, she always looked depressed.

As far as I understand it's some chemical inballance in the body but our scientists weren't able to pinpoint how to fix it (yet).

This makes me sad for my mom, but not depressed. My own life has been getting better and better, especially since covid started. I'm one of the lucky ones I guess.

I think I just crave an IRL connection tbh. Both of my close friends recently (1 yr ago) moved further away so I only get to see them a few times a year now. My social life has been obliterated. That makes me sad :(

Also yes, the world seems unstable right now but there ain't much I can do, so I just have to learn to let it go.

I know lots of people who aren't depressed.

We also understand a lot more about mental health than we used to, including the fact that mental health challenges are not as unusual as they were once thought to be. Growing up in the 90's and early 2000's, I was just a "lazy", "unmotivated", and "inattentive" kid. You know, a "space cadet." I now know that I have ADHD. I have also struggled with depression since childhood. Depression, anxiety, and emotional disregularion are often comorbidities with or symptoms of ADHD. Getting a diagnosis and on proper medication was life changing for me.

But, lack of happiness is not the same as depression. I think sometimes people get those confused. You can be unhappy without being depressed. I would say that there's a whole lot more unhappy people in the world than depressed people. I also think people often look for joy in the wrong places and expect that "stuff" is going to make them happy. It works. For a bit. But that kind of happiness quickly vaporizes and leaves you feeling as empty as you felt before.

Real happiness comes from a sense of fulfillment. That looks different to different people. I feel happiest when I feel like I'm "grounded". When I get time to shake off all the responsibilities and BS that gets piled on my plate. Sometimes that's when I'm kneeling in church on a Sunday morning or taking time out of my relentless schedule to play with my kids. Or when I can get my wife to go for a walk with me. Especially when I can do something that makes someone else's day a little brighter.

It took a lot of searching to find the things that bring me joy. And the only way to really know if something will is to experience it. Life is hard. On some level there's just no way around that. But it can also be good. Personally, I've had a LOT of hard days. But I've had a lot of good days too. For me it makes the hard days worth it.

I've had an issue with my balls(testicles w.e), been sore as fuck. Like someone's constantly squeezing them really hard, and occasionally I get a punch off em for good measure. I've had a huge battery of tests and scans, only thing the Dr can figure is maybe it's a trapped nerve, so been trying to get in with a specialist to figure that out. Anyway, long story short, the nerve pain meds the Dr put me on are also an antidepressant, so my balls hurt like fuck, but at least I'm in a good mood! 👍

No

I first started having suicidal ideation in middle school. Two out the the three coworkers I'm close to are on the same antidepressant as me. It's been weird watching depression become widespread and talked about over the last decade or so.

The world is fucked up, so it makes sense. Probably you got toxic traits from your caregiver(s), explaining even why as a child you felt that way. Try to enjoy the ride anyway - I mean, what have you got to lose, really? :-P

e.g., learn to forgive, ending with yourself.

Are you depressed?

Yes.

Do you know anyone who's not depressed?

The only happy people I know are wealthy and/or have wealthy parents (usually both, I'll call wealthy a NAV >$10M) and have never needed to struggle.

Definitely not depressed now. I have been when working at a job that drained all my energy every day for years but even then I don’t have clinical depression (which is not normal for humans).

Currently doing well financially and in my family life. I have a great, supportive wife, great kids who are excelling, and a job I very much enjoy and that business is doing well.

I don’t allow outside forces (like politics) to make me sad. Instead I use that energy to do what I can to help those around me and make a very real and tangible difference. Helping others is very satisfying in a way nothing else is.

Do what you can to help your neighbors. It only takes one to make a difference and then others will start doing the same. Be the leader. Change your community.

Not depressed nor are most people around me.

Sorry. I hope you find someone to talk to or some other way to cope.

Reason for my depression : Life sucks and I knew it, from my childhood.

I feel better: When I am too busy to think about it. For now, work and family occupies my time mostly. I smile ( = cry ) when I see same depression pattern for my kid.

Imo, you should actively change your situation ( see a doc, have a hobby etc... more importantly, find positive in even small things )

yeah

I'm not depressed.

That's not to say I don't have periods where I need to allow myself to withdraw to process deep hardship or grief. However, I am capable of escaping it once I get sick of my own wallowing. Luckily, this typically only happens every handful of years.

Otherwise, I'm pretty content.

"Happiness" isn't a sustainable state of mind. Contentment can be.

nope, sounds regional.

maybe perceptual?

or definitive. how are you defining being depressed?

Depression has gotten massively common because people tend to self-diagnose themselves. They self-diagnose themselves because therapy costs are high.

I've gone through therapy to say that I absolutely do have it. But then again, I knew for certain that I already had it prior to seeing at least two therapists. Because I've had a shitty childhood, I've gotten bullied an awful lot through childhood, I had unsupporting and unloving parents. A lot of my ambitions and dreams weren't realized because I didn't have the necessary tools to go and achieve them. My school career was so embarrassing that I elected not to go to college because I had nothing to show for it.

And while I can say that I've had decent friends and some good relationships. I keep finding myself fighting with whether or not anyone actually cares of me and simply just isn't tolerating me so they can take advantage of my generosity.

So I have plenty to be depressed about.

I'm not currently depressed. I do experience depression but not constantly. Two of my children and many of my coworkers do not deal with chronic depression (as far as I can tell).

I'm not depressed. Sometimes I get a little seasonal affective disorder but I just take vitamin D now and that seems to have solved that.

I'm not depressed (I think). But everyone I know well enough that I'm certain I could tell if they had symptoms of depression has at least some of these.

I have clinical depression. Most of my friends have a mental illness/aren't nerotypical, we joke that we find each other. But as for actively being depressed, I can't say most of my friends are and my own mood is on an upswing.

There is depression and then there is clinically diagnosed depression. The two are not the same. Self diagnosis can only go so far and has a high likelihood of being wrong. The latter is not as common to have.

How I answer such a question would depend, do you consider anhedonia to fall under depression or to be separate?

Being legit targeted in this universe and its people, almost as if the universe is one big RH negative womb and I'm an RH positive fetus, does not help me here.

yeah. I can't definitively say that I do, because I put up a perky front to not appear depressed, and I don't know if others are doing the same.

What was your relationship with your parents and your peers?

Was it ever economic or more existential?

Not at the moment, though maybe my therapist would say I'm experiencing low-key depression. I'm clinically diagnosed bipolar, so I've seen incredibly much worse, as in paralyzing me with dread. But I found a partner who keeps me engaged and active and we started living together early this year and that has done a lot to keep me out of my head. 2020 was fucking doom because I lived alone and had no car and spent way too much time just cooking on all the things that could go wrong while isolating.

I expect a lot a terrible shit to happen where I am (USA) in the next four months. But I'm not thinking about it much. I haven't directly asked any friends, but I think I know one who would probably say yes to depression. But he's working at a soul-crushing job that I also once worked and for that reason I don't think he counts toward your survey.

Therapy and treatment really helps. Good luck.

Nope. I'm really happy with my life and most of my friends are too. I look forward to what the future may bring, but I can see myself becoming depressed if a close friend or family member passes away, as I love them very dearly.

Even they happy people I know acknowledge shits going down hill. Reality objectively sucks even when things are personally going well.

I don't know honestly??? University is draining the life out of me right now but other than that I think I'm fine, in spite of my tendencies to say/do things that might indicate otherwise (but at least part of that is just because I like being dramatic sometimes).

Though considering I've often been having low motivation to do anything and sometimes just been staying in bed for over half of the day saying I'm fine might just be a whole lotta cope. :^)

But yeah I would say most of my friend group is not depressed, but I've also never directly asked and you often never know so that doesn't mean much.

In my case, I'm just addicted to social media like Lemmy. That's what causes it. I can't quit it.

Both clinically and in reference to current events/future issues.

It has been at least 20 years that I've dealt with depression and simply not wanting to exist anymore. It's probably only around 6-8 that I've also lost hope, developed frequent panic attacks, and have become depressed about my own future. I separate that from what I'd consider to be the "clinical" depression that is just my broken brain. The future of everyone globally is a whole nother layer of depression...

As for those around me, everyone seems "happy" as far as they can be with their lot in life. Not depressed, some are just bummed about specific things.

I suppose so. Baseline level of happiness has always been low and I tend to have a pessmistic outlook. When I was a kid I remember getting random intense pangs of guilt in my stomach for no reason even though nothing was happening to cause it. Laterally I realised that was a symptom of depression.

At the same time my life is pretty great. I've been very fortunate to enjoy my career and to have a partner that I've got a good relationship with. All of my immediate family members are still alive and thriving to varying degrees but thriving for sure.

Strong suspicion that I could be close to mentally "normal" if I were to incorporate working out at the gym into my regular routine.