this post was submitted on 09 Aug 2024
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Lemmy Shitpost

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Welcome to Lemmy Shitpost. Here you can shitpost to your hearts content.

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[–] Stern@lemmy.world 108 points 3 months ago (2 children)

Even two inches can make a big difference, just ask the guy who shot at Trump.

[–] Bishma@discuss.tchncs.de 45 points 3 months ago (1 children)

A joke like that will get you dumped by Jack Black and fired by your agents. At least if you're Kyle Gass.

[–] db2@lemmy.world 21 points 3 months ago (1 children)

Not to worry, he has a magical healing ear. A couple days with a maxi pad on his head and not even a scar!

[–] Wogi@lemmy.world 16 points 3 months ago (1 children)

Tampon don just has a nice ring to it

[–] ivanafterall@lemmy.world 2 points 3 months ago (1 children)

Between the tampons and the Depends, the man is singlehandedly keeping the toiletries industry afloat.

[–] InternetUser2012@lemmy.today 2 points 3 months ago (1 children)
[–] Wogi@lemmy.world 1 points 3 months ago (1 children)
[–] InternetUser2012@lemmy.today 1 points 3 months ago

Soybeans in the BigMac's?

[–] jayk@lemmy.ca 34 points 3 months ago (3 children)

how small are their legs??

[–] jayk@lemmy.ca 28 points 3 months ago (1 children)

or is this just parallax error?

[–] Afghaniscran@feddit.uk 16 points 3 months ago (1 children)
[–] Feathercrown@lemmy.world 6 points 3 months ago (1 children)
[–] troglodytis@lemmy.world 6 points 3 months ago (1 children)
[–] Tomato666@lemmy.sdf.org 4 points 3 months ago (1 children)

Look down at the thighs and

[–] SmackemWittadic@lemmy.world 4 points 3 months ago
[–] mariusafa@lemmy.sdf.org 18 points 3 months ago

A hand is holding the tape closer to the camera so it looks bigger. 15cm from pelvis to knee!! Not real.

[–] Seraph@fedia.io 15 points 3 months ago (1 children)

Imagine if you had 6 inches swinging between your legs and it kept hitting your knees!

[–] occhionaut@lemmy.world 6 points 3 months ago

Call me the grandfather clock

[–] Sam_Bass@lemmy.world 15 points 3 months ago

Perspective is huger

[–] GluWu@lemm.ee 14 points 3 months ago (1 children)

I'd rather have a thicc 6 than a thin 7

[–] dharmacurious@slrpnk.net 25 points 3 months ago (1 children)

As a bottom it genuinely depends on the day. Some days a dude hits me up on Grindr and if he uses the word thick or sends a pic that looks particularly thick and I'm noping out faster than you can say "oh God it burns"

Some days I'm like "I wonder if I can find a dude with a 2 liter bottle down there. Like Edward scissor hands. Jonathan two-liter-junk"

[–] GluWu@lemm.ee 42 points 3 months ago (1 children)

I honesty have no idea what that means, but regardless, I hope you have a happy butthole.

[–] dharmacurious@slrpnk.net 11 points 3 months ago (1 children)

Most days I do, thank you. I wish you the very same. Happy butthole, happy butthole to all!

[–] IWantYou@lemmynsfw.com 3 points 3 months ago (1 children)

Thanks. I had a very happy butthole last night. Very happy indeed.

[–] dharmacurious@slrpnk.net 1 points 3 months ago (1 children)

I kinda wanna know the story... Lol

[–] IWantYou@lemmynsfw.com 1 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago) (2 children)

I'm bi, and I have a very long lasting occasional gay FWB thing going and we agreed it would be fun to have a sleepover. Him promising to fuck me all night long was an irresistable suggestion. Well of course he didn't literally fuck me all night long, but he had my precum flowing for hours. He played with my butthole gently for a looong time, keeping his fingers a lot less deep than usual, mainly just the entrance. Just that fingertip (he'd previiously cut his fingernails very short so everything was soft and not scratchy), that fingertip pressed along my hole, and popping gently in and out, stimulating the nerve endings just inside me. Usually I want something bigger urgently but we were deliberately taking our time and I was in bliss. He teased me with the tip of his dick quite a bit nearer the end. I didn't stay hard the whole time but I was soooo turned on and I was certainly leaking precum all the time. He often uses my precum as well as his to lube my hole, and last night was no exception. Once he put himself inside me, I kept being sure I was about to cum, dick still soft, (and I've been chasing that for years). Last night was another attempt. I was so stimulated and maaad for it and he was going so slowly and gently my mind was cartwheeling. I would love to say that I've cum from anal alone, but there's always a bit of dick action before I do. I was so sure it was gonna happen! It didn't. Partly because when I thought it was gonna happen I got hard again and he started messing around with my dick, rubbing it here and there, not wanking me, just rubbing my precum drenched cock on me and on his hand and on his tummy (he knows I have a thing for belly buttons) and I just came all over myself. He didn't finish inside me, he just spurted all his cum with his dickhead pressed against me, spurting directly on my bumhole and I could feel it all happening. We do that more often than not because it's easier to clean up and I don't worry about cum leaking out at work or something. If you look in my comment history you can read the other time I told lemmy what we did when he most recently did cum inside me.

When we were younger, hornier, crazier and more risk taking, and we worked at the same place, we did sometimes hook up in the loos at work, but there's absolutely no way I would dream of doing that now.

So anyway, he made my butthole feel like magic until about 3am and then we both fell asleep, and I wasn't even sore in the morning. A bit sticky and very tired, but not sore. My guy can play my body like a fiddle. I wasn't working that day, so I didn't shower and walked around in public, shops etc with all our precum and cum plastered all over my bum and taint. I only showered in the evening. It was partly laziness, but it was also being secretly proud of it. Sometimes I still think and act like a horny teenager.

Edit: Here's the other comment thread I was referring to:
https://lemmynsfw.com/post/13246982
https://lemmynsfw.com/comment/7691421

That time it was some stuff that @joshoff@lemmynsfw.com posted that inspired me to get fucked so I asked my FWB to come fuck me. This time it was my FWB who suggested the sleepover so he could fuck me all night, and that's where you come in asking me a later how come my butthole was so happy!

[–] joshoff@lemmynsfw.com 2 points 2 months ago

You’re a damned hero. Thanks for taking us on this ride.

[–] joshoff@lemmynsfw.com 2 points 2 months ago (1 children)

I don’t often top but I want in on this

[–] IWantYou@lemmynsfw.com 2 points 2 months ago

Oh fuck, @joshoff, you're a stud hero on lemmy and here you are talking about hitting my ass! You're way out of my league and on another continent, but you didn't half make me feel sexy with this comment. Thank you.

[–] Gingerlegs@lemmy.world 13 points 3 months ago

That’s right, ladies 😏

[–] werefreeatlast@lemmy.world 5 points 3 months ago

It's all about how close the eye of the beholder is to the penis...I mean tape measuring tool.

[–] BugleFingers@lemmy.world 3 points 3 months ago (1 children)

Now do the same thing with 2" please, I need it for....reasons

[–] IWantYou@lemmynsfw.com 1 points 3 months ago

I'm sure I've seen at least one community for that over here on lemmynsfw.