this post was submitted on 08 Aug 2024
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Lemmy Shitpost

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top 42 comments
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[–] zazo@lemmy.world 103 points 3 months ago (3 children)

Being grateful is pretty neat but make sure to reciprocate! - "Suck her clit every morning to thank her for choosing you" πŸ₯°

[–] HonkTonkWoman@lemm.ee 25 points 3 months ago

β€œFlick that bean to let her know how much she means.”

[–] Rampsquatch@sh.itjust.works 11 points 3 months ago (1 children)
[–] zzx@lemmy.world 29 points 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago) (4 children)

My girl doesn't like oral :(

But I love giving it so much it's actually a curse

[–] Rampsquatch@sh.itjust.works 13 points 3 months ago (1 children)
[–] not_that_guy05@lemmy.world 10 points 3 months ago

Triplets I guess. Sometimes we trade of for other things I guess.

[–] Shou@lemmy.world 8 points 3 months ago

This is a tragedy

[–] ScientifficDoggo@lemmy.zip 5 points 3 months ago

There are DOZENS of us.

[–] jballs@sh.itjust.works 2 points 3 months ago (1 children)
[–] LaLuzDelSol@lemmy.world 10 points 3 months ago

Haha it's the job market all over again. How are ya going to get better at oral if you never get to practice?

[–] ILikeBoobies@lemmy.ca 7 points 3 months ago

I think the original quote has more of a Weinstien implication but yours is a lot more wholesome

[–] Nikls94@lemmy.world 91 points 3 months ago (1 children)
[–] gibmiser@lemmy.world 15 points 3 months ago

Nyahahahahahahah

[–] Quill7513@slrpnk.net 34 points 3 months ago (1 children)

Really? The america has a blowjob crisis lady?

[–] Treble@lemmy.blahaj.zone 4 points 3 months ago

We're sexless and afraid.

[–] solsangraal@lemmy.zip 31 points 3 months ago (1 children)

never expected oprah to say something i'd expect a self-proclaimed "alpha male" who's actually an incel to say. what a time to be alive...

[–] BonesOfTheMoon@lemmy.world 67 points 3 months ago (1 children)

(psst it's not a real quote).

[–] solsangraal@lemmy.zip 36 points 3 months ago (2 children)

lol ate the onion again

in my defense, i still believe j.d. vance fucks couches

[–] Nuke_the_whales@lemmy.world 30 points 3 months ago (3 children)

You think Oprah has sucked a dick since becoming a billionaire?

[–] Rampsquatch@sh.itjust.works 35 points 3 months ago (3 children)

I wouldn't stop performing oral if I became a billionaire, why would anyone? It's fun.

[–] Nuke_the_whales@lemmy.world 11 points 3 months ago (1 children)

Do you think Queen Elizabeth sucked dick? These are the questions that plague me and keep me awake at night.

[–] Rampsquatch@sh.itjust.works 1 points 3 months ago

I bet she was even more freaky than that. Rich people who come from a long line of rich people in a sexually repressed upper class are freaks man, for real.

[–] Melvin_Ferd@lemmy.world 10 points 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago) (2 children)

When it happens do you say " husband it is time for performing oral" and your husband says "why indeed it is time for performing oral how delightful."

[–] Rampsquatch@sh.itjust.works 6 points 3 months ago

No, actually. Much dirtier words are used.

[–] HonkTonkWoman@lemm.ee 3 points 3 months ago (1 children)

I do t know them, and I mean no offense, but I’m guessing it would sound a little more akin to:

hhmmmmthhhhthhbnmmmmmmnpppppppphhhyyyyyyyyyyhhhttttttttttttssddshhshshshshssssssssssmmmsmsmsmsmmsmsssssppppppppppppwoooooooooooooooooeeeeeeeeeeeeeeepppppppttfthhjhjjffffffffmmmmmmmmsmsmsmmssstthghhgggpop

But that’s just a guess.

[–] Classy@sh.itjust.works 7 points 3 months ago

Got Dat grapefruit game

[–] BonesOfTheMoon@lemmy.world 9 points 3 months ago
[–] kerrypacker@lemmy.world 2 points 3 months ago

Steadman sucks her dick.

[–] blanketswithsmallpox@lemmy.world 12 points 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago) (1 children)

Nah lemme consensually bust in that pussy every morning and we good. You don't even need to be up. We got the contract for this.

Shoutouts to TimeStop and FreeUse.

[–] TokenBoomer@lemmy.world 3 points 3 months ago

I want to click the link, but not sure…

[–] DJDarren@thelemmy.club 11 points 3 months ago

Does this include my boss? Because I’m not opposed to it as such, but he might be.

[–] werefreeatlast@lemmy.world 11 points 3 months ago

I need just a few minutes of Operahs time. 5 minutes tops. Just need her to tell this to my wife.

[–] RattlerSix@lemmy.world 8 points 3 months ago (1 children)

This is like famous quotes on Norm MacDonald Live as read by Gilbert Gottfried

https://youtu.be/o3ZprSH0Y0U?si=NwPef1SuRZw7khAF

[–] dudinax@programming.dev 1 points 3 months ago

That bit reminds me of this classic from the Onion:

https://www.bobcesca.com/the_onion_on_la/

[–] Kolanaki@yiffit.net 4 points 3 months ago

"Lickitongue, I choose youuuuuuuu!"

[–] Agent641@lemmy.world 4 points 3 months ago

What if my employer is a woman?

[–] son_named_bort@lemmy.world 3 points 3 months ago

Was she talking about Dr. Oz or Dr. Phil?

[–] sunzu@kbin.run 3 points 3 months ago

This regime whore prolly really thinks we all should suck her dick tbh since she is a hard working, bootstrapping boomer.