Ask Lemmy

Helping my son deal with his mental illness, drug addiction, and ultimately suicide.

I really have never felt like an adult, until my son moved in with me (I met him when he was 5 days old, and was kept from seeing him again until he moved in with me when was almost 17). Suddenly I had to deal with his medication, his appointments, keeping him out of trouble, learning to be a father of a 17 year old I did not know.

After his death the feeling stuck around for a while, but has slowly gone away over time. My last born child turned 18 earlier this year, and while that made me feel old, it did not make me feel like an adult. I even took him to register for college that, just feeling like an old kid.

The first time going to a hardware store for something I needed and being like "oooh I want that" to like half the random shit in the store like light fixtures and lawn furniture.

Being excited to see furniture is definitely an adult feeling.

I feel like an adult almost all the time, but it got more common when I gave birth. I'm not a kid. I'm not a teenager. I'm not a college student. I'm a grown adult and everything I do all day taking care of others is adult stuff. Even the fun moments of playing a video game or looking at my phone hidden behind a book, or the hard stuff where I have no idea what to do. I don't feel like a kid, I feel like an adult playing a fun game or an adult feeling confused and scared.

To me, being a kid meant feeling confident that everything was being taken care of for me. I don't get the adults feeling like kids thing when things are confusing or hard. When I was a kid my parents dealt with the hard stuff, or at least helped me deal with it

I'm 51 but in my head I'm the same guy I was at 21 but wiser because I have more experience and more data points, not because age matured me. That said, I can remember feeling like the only "adult in the room" as far back as 16 years old, after my only parent died.

So to answer your question, I don't think I ever feel like an adult, more like less lost than those around me and burdened to take care of them before they hurt themselves or others. This is especially true during my many work meetings.

When I turned 30, my insurance went down and I went "Woo hoo! My insurance went down!". . .

"Wait... did... did I just 'woo hoo' an insurance rate? FUCK ME!!!"

My lower back and knees remind me that I’m a grown up.

Being excited about buying a nice cooler to go camping with

Meeting the man of my dreams..... and then meeting his beautiful wife.

When I bought an actual bedframe. It wasn't the bed at my parents' house, it wasn't the bed that my college dorm owned, and it wasn't an air mattress I had been sleeping on during my internships. It was an actual bed, a real piece of adult furniture. It wasn't a small cheap metal frame. It was bulky and adult and real, and I owned it.

I was walking through the city at night smoking a (now legal) joint with a friend and talking and suddenly it occurred to me that none of what I was doing was against any rules and that society was literally built by adults and for adults.

Buying a new furnace.

The death of parents.

Making spaghetti for the first time, in my first apartment. Then realized I had made enough for four people for a week, aaaaand the feeling passed.

Getting excited over "mundane" things. New silverware, vacuum cleaner, pan etc.

Going over bank statements. Going over stock options.

Using hot water to wash my hands instead of cold (don't even do this yet but I'll know I'll be a geezer when I do).

Not caring about others opinions about you. Just living your life.

Cooking. Specifically soup and porridge.

Checking email multiple times everyday

When I go to a medical appointment and the doctor is younger than me

Getting excited about new socks and underwear, and wishing people wouldn't buy me gifts both make me feel adulty

Doing my taxes.

The serious thing: When taxes, interest rates and mortgages were no longer abstract concepts but things I dealt with on a regular basis (I have spreadsheets!)

The funny thing: When I realized I could spend >500$ on a telescope without having to ask, wait, bargain or argue with anybody about it. I want it, I buy it.

A 20-something year old kid swung by my desk at work to see if I could identify a plant that was growing in his yard and if I knew what to do with it. I could, and I did.

I like to listen to music or books while I work, and I have to drive a work vehicle a few times a day, and a big forklift to do my job. Both have a radio built in but no easy way to connect my phone to listen to my own stuff. I eventually found that I actually enjoy listening to the radio, especially the local news updates.

Once I realised that, I thought "oh god I'm turning into my dad"

I'm 30 and haven't liked the radio since I was around 10 (aka when I got my first CD played)

I'm 29 and mentally feel exactly like a did as a teenager. Like I've been 16 for 13 years.

I recently had new rain gutters installed on my house, had my trees trimmed, had my patio paved, and bought a power bank. I'm fucking adulting damnit.

Lodging taxes

Buying a new bed with my wife. I stopped for a moment and thought "Is this who I am now? Someone who buys furniture?" Then I decided not to worry about it and started looking forward to better sleep.

When my sister graduated from high school I went to the ceremony and saw some of my teachers from five years before. They talked to me like a peer. It was subtle but I picked up on it

I recently got a Costco membership.

Existential crises!

First, if you enjoy brown mustard, you're old.

But really, telling my kids not to do exactly what I would have done definitely makes me feel like a grown up.

Prioritizing my ToDo list over socializing or relaxing.

Not so fun, but I certainly felt like an adult when I went inpatient for suicidal ideation. A sad, broken, fucked up adult.

Cleaned up my place and now its staying that way! Nobody can barge in and out and trash the place like it used to be, constantly cleaning up after someone else who has zero respect for your space and keeping a calm,clean environment

That includes myself, in case anyone thinks I'm solely projecting lol

Having to choose a medicare supplement and part d drug plan for my mother.

Pretty much when I bought my house it's been mostly grown-up feeling since then. Interest rates, insurance rates, and debt-service ratios are always in the back of my mind now.

Once I pay off my vehicle debt I'll be able to bankroll a better house outside of town with some land. Assuming shit doesn't go pear shaped in the next 3-4 years..

Also, playing the "should I dump my bonuses into my RRSP or pay down debt" game.. never had medium or longer term goals before.