Don’t hide your light under a bushel basket

Or whoever those people are

Lots of logging to triangulate when it fails and what variables it has at the time.

Shave it yourself before the appt

I still have my wife do babysitter coordination, to avoid me having to get the numbers of a bunch of teenage girls and texting them.

This is the onion, it’s all satire

Severance therapy

Make sure to use a fake accent when talking to strangers on the phone

When I went to Paris this summer, lots of locals were smoking. The odor of Paris was urine and cigarettes.

As long as the money isn’t part of an investigation, the company will be able to access it within the month.

Congratulations, you will now have loofah plants popping up forever

Very confusing when you are invited for pot pie and served a stew