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You know how they say "kids are resilient" but really it leads to them needing therapy as adults?
I'm convinced a lot of the random physical pains of old age are the delayed effects of those childhood injuries we jumped up from and immediately forgot.
Children's bones are more flexible since they are still growing. So they are able to take a beating more than adults.
That is why kicking toddlers is fine! /s
"someday, I want to go to the moon!"
"why wait?" punts
A buddy of mine was talking to his doctor not long after he turned 50 and he was complaining about some random pain. The doctor told him "You know all that stupid stuff you did when you were younger? That's what hurts now."
Partially so, but a lot of adult pain is due to bad posture, and weak muscles from lack of exercise. (Weak muscles don't directly result in pain, but it does mean that stuff like "looking in the mailbox weird", or sneezing, or lifting something off the floor can result in stuff going wrong.)
That is 100% the truth.
I sneezed at an angle this morning and fucked my back up. Also, why the fuck does a large portion of my body and weight sit atop a single column of bones precariously cushioned by jelly and rubbery bits? And if said jelly/rubbery bits get squeezed a bit too hard, the bones smash nerves that control my fucking extremities?
Nature really fucked us.
Ah, see the warranty only covers you until you procreate.
From that point on, who cares if your body evolved to crumble into dust immediately after?
In fact kind of a lot of creatures literally die right after creating offspring.
So you're saying that so long as I don't have kids I can live as recklessly as I like and claim the damage on warranty?
Oh. Nonono. Just until you could have had kids.
Not even when you could responsibility have kids. Honestly, it's all downhill once you're like 12-14.
Some really unlucky people peak at 14 but for the vast majority the peak will hit in their early thirties. For those who prioritize sleep, play, and socializing that peak is a plateau until about 50.
This is why we Asexuals live forever.
Mortal skill issue.
I think the warranty stretches a little further. You also need to live long enough to ensure your offspring become moderately self sufficient, but anything above 30 is definitely buyer beware
So many poor "design choices" in human anatomy. (Note, I know there's no intelligent design).
The optic nerve. External testicles. Lack of decent fur. The way some nerves and blood vessels are routed make zero sense. An immune system that often wants to kill you. The list goes on. I'm sure a biologist or medical person could add plenty more. Many animals have some of these traits, too. If some trait or process is just barely good enough, nature will chug along with it for millions of years. Nature is all about some redneck engineering.
External* testicles are legit really cool though, they change their distance from your body to regulate temperature
*they also can and will retract all the way inside your body if it’s cold enough
Sloths and elephants don't seem to have trouble with their internal testes.
Maybe they regulate better. Just ice your balls so they pop inside then just sloth around so you don't break a sweat and drop your balls
Using the same tube for breathing and eating is a classic (I type while choking on my tea)
Good catch, I forgot that one! And the other classic is having waste excreting plumbing and reproductive plumbing all bunched together.
Anyone who’s routed network cables can tell the spine is rookie work
I’ve spent a lot of time under false floors, routing cables in overhead trays, and neatly configuring cables in server racks so nothing gets pinched.
Nature is a fucking amateur.
A horrible thought I heard once and can never get out of my mind:
Our bodies originally had horizontal spines and everything hung down from it. Now we hold our spines vertically, but the internals now all hang wrong.
No idea if true (seems like it's simplifying eons of evolution), but it makes me very uncomfortable imagining it.
Nature: Bro, it’s fine. All the other animals will think you’re smarter if you stand up straight. You’ll look really cool too, all tall and hairless and shit. Chicks love that stuff.
Can't wait for zero-g retirement homes :)
Used to be horizontal until some weirdo decided they wanted to use front legs to carry their car keys and guns. Imagine doing a wheelie on your motorcycle (not mine!) all the time because you think you can see better that way and don't like SUVs.
I don’t think we were meant to live this long. Science can’t just let us live longer without fixing our shitty bodies.
Science: Lol fuck you, you’re 62 years old, here’s a Tylenol, go to work. Maybe your overlords will let you rest in 3 years (if you have the money)
I'm 50, and a back injury from my 20s is like "Bonjour my friend, we meet again, ho ho!" It does come back to haunt you.
Weirdly, my back injury also has a cartoonish French accent.
I always picture my injuries speaking to me in a French accent.
Mine is always like "Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya. You fell off a skateboard 20 years ago. Prepare to die."
I'm 53 and some of my pains have totally disappeared.
Neck used to lock if I twisted my head just right while looking in the mirror. Walked around for 3 days at a time like C3PO. Knee blew out. Broke my femur and that hurt on and off for 10-years. None of that now. Weird.
we need to steal this guys blood
I feel that. I fell on one of my knees on the ice when I was in middle school, and it aches pretty regularly and clicks like a zip drive when I walk.
As a kid I fell out of a tree flat on my back with the only part not hitting concrete being my head. Still feel that injury come back from time to time
Exercise everyday, then you at least know you are the cause of your pains.
Light weightlifting and stretching really helped me my back pain.
Do it correctly and consistently. I only go like 2 or 3 times a week. It also helps me sleep better.
"Only" 2 or 3 times a week is 2 or 3 times more than most people. Don't do yourself an injustice, you're doing great - carry on.
Yep I'm on a fairly serious routine but not overboard, basically got it down to about 45min sessions 3/4 times a week (every other day kind of), and I feel better than in my 20s!
A few weeks ago, I was lying in bed. Literally all I was doing was moving to turn and I pulled a muscle in my leg. Getting old fucking sucks.
I woke up with horrible neck pain because apparently I did that thing I've been doing every day for my entire life, sleeping, wrong.
See that's where you went wrong. You gotta sleep right. Train your subconscious to not... Who am I kidding, I'm in the same boat. I now have an alarm an hour before I need to get up just so I can take some motrin. Gives it enough time to kick in so I can get up with less pain.
I simply used my arm to grab something light within my reach and my back buckled. Now I've had sciatica for seven weeks. Piriformis syndrome is no fucking joke! Fuck the human body!
This is my experience exactly. I'm sure the injuries of youth are why I'm so randomly and easily injured in middle age.
Coincidentally, in my twenties one of my friends was hit by a car going 30 MPH, and he got up, and kept partying the rest of the night. No serious consequences at all.
It really do be like that. But also, cars are too big and drivers are too selfish.
I literally did this opening my fridge lmao. I just wanted olives. :(
