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Separating my haircut from my barber (beehaw.org)

submitted 2 months ago by elfpie@beehaw.org to c/chat@beehaw.org

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OR Another perspective on separating the art from the artist.

Story time. I needed a haircut and shop from the neighborhood is good enough for me. The guy that runs it always had a extreme way of thinking, bordering dangerous territory, but a nice person that argues using what they know and listens. Until today, when I realized he just needed to talk to someone much worse to bring out all the bigotry inside of him. So he’s transphobic, homophobic and doesn’t support neurodivergent diagnosis. He’s a feminist, which the other client wasn’t, so it was horribly funny watching him trying to convince someone that women weren’t better off dealing with reusable diapers. It was bad. I considered leaving, but staying was a last kindness to someone that never treated me poorly, but that I can’t support anymore. He even apologized for the conversation, certainly unaware that his other client wasn’t the most awful for me.

Lately, I have been torturing myself by following the allegations against Neil Gaiman. I honestly don’t know the reason I’m doing that, but I am. I was quick to drop him as a choice in entertainment, specially because the parts he corroborate are already bad enough. Then, as usual, there’s the argument of separating the art from the artist. I have my issues with that, but today I found a new point of view with my experience. (not really, but a new way to demonstrate it)

I needed a haircut. I just shave my head, so it’s quite simple. Doing it at home during the pandemic was bad. Finding someone else to do it at a reasonable price and be completely satisfied will take some tries, again. It doesn’t have to be him. There are options. The next one might be secretly worse, might be the same or, with all the luck, someone better. At the end of the day, I don’t want to ever have to sit and listen to that kind of conversation because it’s simply convenient and because my leaving will not change anything.

This is mostly me venting. It drained me more than I thought it would. I'll probably not answer any comment so soon. I don't have the strength to spellcheck what I just wrote to tell the truth.

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[–] Nemo@slrpnk.net 12 points 2 months ago

Thanks you so much for sharing this, it really is a great perspective on "death of the artist", and one I haven't seen before.

I've always been firmly on the side of separation, but with the caveat that I won't give money to people that will use it for evil.

But looking at your situation, is that tenable? Do I think your barber will use his income for evil? Not significantly. But the creation of his art, your haircut, includes a toxic process. These conversations are deleterious to your well-being so of course you should avoid them for practical and aesthetic reasons. But morally, what is the best action? I'd argue that a business that would host those kind of discussions is further normalizing bigotry, a real evil. Driving business there would be a moral wrong.

In the end, it's like vantablack paint: The resulting art doesn't justify the toxicity, even leaving aside the moral failings of its creator.

So there's nothing wrong with enjoying your haircut, but don't get another one there. Like with many beautiful things, it's the getting that's the problem, not the having.

[–] Kwakigra@beehaw.org 11 points 2 months ago

Having to reliably listen to bigotry and nonsense that you are obligated by social conditioning to nod along with is not only draining but an attack on your own identity by yourself. Either you're torturing yourself by continuing to put yourself in this uncomfortable situation or you will come to tolerate it and not be as bothered by it and corrupt yourself that way. It's worth finding someone with some clippers that doesn't give you an identity crisis on a regular basis.

[–] HelixDab2@lemm.ee 9 points 2 months ago

Quick thing - you aren't obligated to throw out Neil Gaiman books you already have, but you probably should pirate media from him in the future so that there's no profit for him.

As far as shaving your head, it should be pretty easy to do with a decent pair of clippers, and a nice safety razor.

because my leaving will not change anything.

Well, telling him that you won't support someone that doesn't believe other people exist may not change his mind, but it might convince him to keep his bullshit to himself so that he doesn't alienate people that are his source of income.