Someone recently told me that they sometimes feel gaslighted around me because I effortlessly make them question their beliefs and feelings. Hearing that didn’t sit well with me, especially since I’ve been pondering the question in the title for quite some time.
I’ve always been quite critical of myself and don’t consider myself a very nice person. When I discover that someone doesn’t enjoy being around me, I don’t blame them one bit. It’s not like I’m intentionally mean or abusive; quite the opposite, actually. I have very strong morals. However, this includes things like not lying, which means I always speak the truth, even if not everyone likes hearing it. I don’t conform to many social norms expected of me.
Despite all of this, I have deep relationships with several people and especially the elderly and for example the parents of my past girlfriends have all liked me a lot. But I can’t help but wonder why they don’t see me as I see myself. I worry that I’m hiding the true me so well that people don’t actually like me, but rather the facade I unknowingly maintain. Then again, a true psychopath probably wouldn’t be second-guessing themselves in this manner.
If they don’t ask, I don’t say anything. Asking and being mad about someone not lying to protect your feelings when they don’t praise your effort is rude.
For example, why is the person who knows something is overcooked asking how it is? If I take a bite and don’t eat it, then they ask why, they are being rude by putting me in a situation where the social expectation is to lie.
Exactly. I treat others as I want to be treated myself. This means that if I’m asking something I’m expecting an honest answer. If I don’t want to know I don’t ask.