I know it’s a joke but if this was a man posting a dildo with the same text he’d get flamed
If it was a bar of soap moulded into a cock though we’d probably be seeing a pretty similar post
Rubbing soap on your dick is safe though.
Sticking soap up your snizz is how you get an infection.
Rubbing soap on any part of your body in a way that simulates sex is not “safe”… Especially if that area is your junk.
Edit: when you make a comment of which you can speak on with authority and then a bunch downvotes come because it offended someone’s hypothetical ideal. You guys are worse than /r/the_donald.
Because of Satan?
If you had to ask Satan’s already won.
I love Santa too
It would be pretty impressive, though.
Dildo shampoo bottles are relatively commonplace though.
Idk man, fucking a bar of soap, clearly on the reg , and leaving it for the world to see is a bit different. Plus I feel like most dildo users have the presence of mind to put that shit up when they’re done.
My ex would disagree as she’d leave hers lying out even when we had company over.
We were both also very mental unwell so that could be a part of it
That was made that way for the joke. How would you even begin fucking a flat bar of soap? Even pre-drilled, it would wear out too fast to be any fun.
Don’t use conditioner guys!!!
For the 4th time (I’m an idiot) I got serious dick issues. Don’t know if it dries the skin out or what, but the end gets hypersensitive, turns dark red, skin turns black and peels off, hurts like hell, and then you get nice, new pink skin. It’s painful and revolting and takes about a week for the whole process.
Thought was just me until I saw a reddit post a few months back. LOTS of dudes experiencing the same exact thing.
Don’t use conditioner guys!!!
What in the bed bath and beyond is this shit
Would you mind choosing a verb other than “use” so I know what in God’s name I shouldn’t be doing with conditioner?
If the context didn’t provide, I meant jacking off. Paddling the pink canoe. Abusing the wicked stick. Battling the purple-headed yogurt slinger. Shaking hands with the milkman. Boxing the one-eyed champ. Taking the self-guided tour.
Seeing to yourself? Tossing your salad? Clearing the pipes? Sopping your tissues? Summoning Spiderman? Switching to manual? Burping the serpent? Don’t know it.
“Switching to manual”. I’m stealing that. You can’t stop me.
“Switch SCE to AUX”. You can steal that one!
Very kind!
Are you sure that’s conditioner and not bleach?
This is disturbingly specific 😰
Want a pic? It’s at the blackened and peeling stage. Shower water hit it tonight and I yelped. Brand new skin in just a few more days!
How many times have you repeated this process? Why was one flayed dick not enough?
Even if you accidentally use conditioner instead of lube, there’s no way it will make the skin of your dick turn black and fall off. It’ll irritate your skin sure, but that won’t happen.
One of two things must actually actually be happening…
-
You’re using the conditioner lube to fuck something like sandpaper or a sex toy that is literally set on fire
-
You’ve confused conditioner with something like lye or hydrochloric acid
For the love of Christ, get your shit checked out
-
This is the kind of wholesome informative content I come to Lemmy for. Thank you for your service, sir!
Actually, wait, I have a question. How did your ball-hair feel aftwards? Did it help with testicular split ends?
Ball hair is mostly nonexistent. But here come more conditioner tips!
Decided to get nice and clean for my ex-wife. Showered and used a little conditioner on the meat puppet. She stuck it in her mouth and made a face. “Tastes like shampoo!”
That woman could pop the balloon on the sexiest of times. Ever had a lover so tacky as to complain, in the moment?! Not like, “Move a little.”, or “Ouch, not like that.” More like… Know what? Not gonna relive that foul woman.
When my sister and I lived with my parents our shower broke for a bit so we had to use my parents’ shower for a few days. Guess who forgot to take their dildo out of there… It was my sister not me but lucky for her and unlucky for me, my parents never clarified so they’ll just think what they will.
If this were a woman posting a dildo she’d get flamed. Use sex toys all you want, but don’t fuck soap, it’s ironically unsanitary
I’ve covered that aspect already in other comment chains.
Also this picture is clearly a joke. You wouldn’t be able to actually use that to masturbate as the hole would grow rapidly. You’d have to lather your hands first using either bar or liquid soap.
Yeah jamming your dick into a solid bar of soap is gonna cause a lot of issues. The one I’d imagine being the first to worry about is your dick getting bruised cause bar soap ain’t exactly soft
What if you make the hole and then soapy fidget spinner?
Now we’re getting somewhere.
And that’s how hula hoops are made!
🤮
You wouldn’t be able to actually use that to masturbate as the hole would grow rapidly
So, you’re telling me the soap owner is a quickshot with a small dick
A shower dildo left there to be found? No… that’d be fuckin weird too
If it was a dildo sculpted out of soap, we’d have the exact same replies as here.
Stupid. This dude has the cleanest dick in the country.
“Eew this penis is too clean to go inside my body” that’s what this whiny bitch sounds like.
No, they totally SHOULD leave. They are clearly too filthy for this CLEAN KING.
“yeah baby you like my baby smooth dick?”
CLEAN KINGS RISE UP.
YOU DROPPED THIS KING 👑 🧼 👀
> Implication: dropped soap
> Implication: you picked it up
> Implication: and you did it for himB A S E D
Hey, at least you can be sure it’s clean.
Because real men wait until marriage to masturbate
I mean, it just never occured to me to drill a hole in a bar of soap, lotion and Palmela Handerson work just fine.
That’s funny. We say Manuela in Spanish because “mano” means hand
In Sweden it’s Lena Handén (Lena = the soft, Handen = hand)
Levaka Rukič i Desanka Šakič.
Made me lol 😆
He’d end up disappointed that her pussy doesn’t bubble during sex, anyway.
Is it… not supposed to?
Whoever your point of reference is, tell them to go to the doctor.
I like the froth
Found the guy that told his gf not to take her antibiotics
No. We do not make that reference here.
Please, why would you do this… 😭😭😭
Like a good cappuccino 🥵
Yea, warm and sweet
Dude.
That’s just a handhold so you don’t drop it
“It’s a part of me and I can wash it however fast I like!"
Or long… Or hard… 😏
Mmm, soapussy …
We live in a societussy
What a terrible day to have eyes
*eyesussy
I think that’s called a skull fuck
How else are you suppose to clean it?
Look, if there’s a more subtle cock soap, I’m all ears.
If you’re all ears, how would you propose to use the soap?
Perhaps he’s Ferengi?
You don’t have to propose, you can just keep it casual.
I didn’t know that was an option.
Chill he was just blowing bubbles
He also knows Bubbles? Small world!
Hi, I’m Bubbles.
Innocent, I’m not that big.
Stop bragging, I can’t even afford soap
I can spell that from my instance.
Yeah spelling is easy if you’re on the right instance
Lol just saw the typo
Soap is abrasive. His dick fucked up.
You’re using the wrong soap in your shower
It’s not that it’s abrasive, though some soaps do have abrasives in them for “exfoliation” and that is also bad for the dick. The problem is that it strips all the oils from your skin, and oil is what keeps skin stretchy. You fuck a bar of soap (or use soap as lube, whatever) it’ll strip all the oils off your genitals and then the minute the skin goes to stretch (like if you’re fucking, or masturbating, or get aroused) - RRRRIPPPP, microtears and friction burns everywhere.
At least it’s clean.
