Fuck, I was kinda doing alright, making friends, getting out, part of a big kink/group sex community, then I met my current GF, I haven’t been to a sex party in months, I feel miserable 50% of the time, honestly most difficult person I’ve ever been with because of the way she sees life and relationships, wondering if I should break up with her.
Only thing is I think I’m fooling myself Re how miserable I was
I think it’s the opposite, she’s a relationship anarchist and I can’t cope with this kind of relationship and how seemingly little importance I have in her life sometimes. I could do poly with a primary partner, but not RA.
Man, people these days will do absolutely anything that can to shrug off any commitment or intimacy with their partner. I wouldn’t even try to date a RA, that sounds miserable, dude.
I mean you can be heavily invested in a relationship as a relationship anarchist.
The anarchy part is that you do not take for granted how a relationship should be structured and that you are open to have very unique and consensually agreed upon aspects in your relationship.
If you want commitment and reliability and loyalty you can for sure ask for it and name it as something that is essential for your relationship and if they do not give it to you it might just be best to split ways.
Of course I understand that there will be people who weaponise relationship anarchy to just do whatever the fuck they want to and rationalise/justify their behaviour but I think the concept isn’t condemnable per sé.
There are also people who weaponise therapy speak to gaslight and I wouldn’t want to generally talk bad about therapy.
Just wanted to give a counterpoint because I think engaging with relationship anarchy and for example looking at a smorgasbord can even help monogamous people to figure out what is important to them and what they want.
Sounds like an unnecessary way of complicating simpler and more universal concepts like “communication” and “healthy boundaries” to me. It’s really cool if a couple comes to terms with their own personal desires in a relationship but I don’t see why we have to shove political philosophy into it.
“I don’t want to do dishes”
“No, you’re a modernity anarchist fighting heteronormativity!”
I consider myself relatively traditional in my relationship views, even as an atheist, but I also just talk to my partner and we figure out what makes us both happy with each other and ourselves. How is this any different from “relationship anarchy” without carrying the baggage of describing my personal relationship with political philosophy? I’m a guy and I like some traditionally feminine things like cooking and sewing, but I don’t think I’m “smashing the patriarchy” for it.
I‘m not that deep in relationship anarchy and in a currently monogamous queer relationship.
I do think the difference lies in the traditionality you have touched upon in that you and your partner have a script / rough idea that has/is guiding aspects of your relationship and that relationship anarchist would want to explicitly frame/structure themselves in most of the relationships they engage in. This is more in the direction of: my romantic partner is also a partner I share finances with or plan to cohabitate with or think about offspring with etc.
I don’t think there has to be an inherent value judgment in this. Different people prefer different things so I think it always works out and either way you have to communicate with your partner in what works in your relationship. (Who does what housework, what do esch of you want out of the relationship, etc.)
a script / rough idea that has/is hiding aspects of your relationship
I guess I can respect that when one accepts a worldview that it will have an inherent impact on one’s relationships, and if one generally has views on life that are anarchistic that it would follow that they would want to seek such openness in other aspects of their life, too.
When I describe myself as traditionalist, a lot of it is in things like, as the man in the relationship, I feel a deep desire to sacrifice financially and physically to ensure my family is well provided for, and my partner as the woman generally orients herself towards caring for our child in ways that I might not. It’s inherent to our relationship, and neither of us has talked about it nor had any issues for the times we’ve broken from these roles. That ‘traditionality’ fits us well and I feel like we do a good job raising our child compassionately but also with structure and respect.
I ultimately don’t care what people do if they’re not hurting others. If whatever you’re doing works well for you and your partner I’m happy to hear that. I wouldn’t say I align with your views but it’s a big world, isn’t it?
You should definitely break up with her, you’re not on an emotional maturity level to be in any serious relationship. She should be set free to find someone grown.
Fuck, I was kinda doing alright, making friends, getting out, part of a big kink/group sex community, then I met my current GF, I haven’t been to a sex party in months, I feel miserable 50% of the time, honestly most difficult person I’ve ever been with because of the way she sees life and relationships, wondering if I should break up with her.
Only thing is I think I’m fooling myself Re how miserable I was
My only piece of relationship advice is to avoid online relationship advice. Particularly from a greentext community.
Lol, see, there is good advice on a greentext community.
We can call it the greentext paradox.
Good advice does not come from greentext communities, but that statement is good advice.
I’ll be real you just might not be cut out for monogamy and thats okay. Talk to them about how you are feeling.
I think it’s the opposite, she’s a relationship anarchist and I can’t cope with this kind of relationship and how seemingly little importance I have in her life sometimes. I could do poly with a primary partner, but not RA.
Man, people these days will do absolutely anything that can to shrug off any commitment or intimacy with their partner. I wouldn’t even try to date a RA, that sounds miserable, dude.
I mean you can be heavily invested in a relationship as a relationship anarchist.
The anarchy part is that you do not take for granted how a relationship should be structured and that you are open to have very unique and consensually agreed upon aspects in your relationship.
If you want commitment and reliability and loyalty you can for sure ask for it and name it as something that is essential for your relationship and if they do not give it to you it might just be best to split ways.
Of course I understand that there will be people who weaponise relationship anarchy to just do whatever the fuck they want to and rationalise/justify their behaviour but I think the concept isn’t condemnable per sé. There are also people who weaponise therapy speak to gaslight and I wouldn’t want to generally talk bad about therapy.
Just wanted to give a counterpoint because I think engaging with relationship anarchy and for example looking at a smorgasbord can even help monogamous people to figure out what is important to them and what they want.
Sounds like an unnecessary way of complicating simpler and more universal concepts like “communication” and “healthy boundaries” to me. It’s really cool if a couple comes to terms with their own personal desires in a relationship but I don’t see why we have to shove political philosophy into it.
“I don’t want to do dishes”
“No, you’re a modernity anarchist fighting heteronormativity!”
Please
I consider myself relatively traditional in my relationship views, even as an atheist, but I also just talk to my partner and we figure out what makes us both happy with each other and ourselves. How is this any different from “relationship anarchy” without carrying the baggage of describing my personal relationship with political philosophy? I’m a guy and I like some traditionally feminine things like cooking and sewing, but I don’t think I’m “smashing the patriarchy” for it.
I‘m not that deep in relationship anarchy and in a currently monogamous queer relationship.
I do think the difference lies in the traditionality you have touched upon in that you and your partner have a script / rough idea that has/is guiding aspects of your relationship and that relationship anarchist would want to explicitly frame/structure themselves in most of the relationships they engage in. This is more in the direction of: my romantic partner is also a partner I share finances with or plan to cohabitate with or think about offspring with etc.
I don’t think there has to be an inherent value judgment in this. Different people prefer different things so I think it always works out and either way you have to communicate with your partner in what works in your relationship. (Who does what housework, what do esch of you want out of the relationship, etc.)
I guess I can respect that when one accepts a worldview that it will have an inherent impact on one’s relationships, and if one generally has views on life that are anarchistic that it would follow that they would want to seek such openness in other aspects of their life, too.
When I describe myself as traditionalist, a lot of it is in things like, as the man in the relationship, I feel a deep desire to sacrifice financially and physically to ensure my family is well provided for, and my partner as the woman generally orients herself towards caring for our child in ways that I might not. It’s inherent to our relationship, and neither of us has talked about it nor had any issues for the times we’ve broken from these roles. That ‘traditionality’ fits us well and I feel like we do a good job raising our child compassionately but also with structure and respect.
I ultimately don’t care what people do if they’re not hurting others. If whatever you’re doing works well for you and your partner I’m happy to hear that. I wouldn’t say I align with your views but it’s a big world, isn’t it?
Yeah, it’s pretty weird and fucked up IMO.
You should definitely break up with her, you’re not on an emotional maturity level to be in any serious relationship. She should be set free to find someone grown.