KarthNemesis

I uh. Have no idea if this fulfills what you need, exactly, it’s about a very specific facet of autism, but I’ve read this book and found it helpful for grounding how to navigate, self-care especially:
Unmasking Autism by Devon Price

I knew a lot of the information already, having built a lot of similar systems myself, but I feel it helped me feel less completely free-floating, based entirely in my own life theory with no contemporaries. I did learn some new things, as well, especially about wider context, safety, and how the stereotypes don’t serve any of us all that well.

It is… a bit of a narrow focus, I don’t know that it would give much information to those who aren’t high-masking, I don’t know that it would do much for someone who absolutely has to mask for safety. But if you struggle with high-masking and think there are probably at least some areas one could learn to let go, it is a decent reference. (Such as the case of me, who struggles with masking even in spaces I am completely alone, and suffering greatly because I have a lot of trouble letting go of what I “should be doing,” and ending up perpetuating unwitting and unwilling violence against myself. Still working on that.)

I hope this might be helpful information, even if it was not precisely what you were looking for.

To add to your statement, irritability is also a very common expression of bipolar.

I have autism and bipolar 1.

Autism does not have pills.
Circumstances of your birth have no causation to autism. Neither to circumstances of your life. All sorts of people have autism from all walks of life.

A reason to research and understand one’s own autism is to recognize what in your life overwhelms you, and how to structure your life in a way that is comfortable and functional to you, without a judgemental neurotypical lens. To embrace who you are, rather than try to force yourself to be something you are not.

You can seek a diagnosis if you wish, but I can’t tell you if it’d give you what you’re looking for.

I learned about my conditions through following various mental health communities for years and seeing what had commonalities with me through the fun lens of dank memes. I also learned a lot about medications, warning signs in therapists, and I learned what mental health conditions I don’t have. Can’t say if that’d work for everyone, either, but I did learn a lot more from the communities directly rather than reading the clinical book definitions.

Cork and fungus leather sounds absolutely sick. I hope fully plant-based leather catches on, because I haven’t seen any anywhere.

From looking around, it looks like a lot of current plant stuff still tends to be mixed with polyurethane or coated with plastic 8i
(Polyurethane is, …I don’t think plastic. It’s dense reading trying to figure out what exactly it is! But it seems to be mixed with plastic undisclosed sometimes? Regardless it doesn’t seem great for me either…)

I’m glad that “the market” is moving further and further away from plastic as a whole in the past few years.
It sounds like there are some promising, but slow, developments in trying to make more pure plant leather.

(Would plant-leather be “planter?” “Planther?” /thonk.)

I’m allergic to polyester and most anything made of plastic. I get painful open sores, and hideously itchy. It is difficult to find clothes at best.
Plastic is snuck in more shit than you’d think. Often unlabelled. More than one pair of pants/shorts I’ve had to ditch/edit because the pockets were polyester or nylon in a “100% cotton” garment. Drawstrings are bad for this, too. And waistbands.

Seems to be weirdly common to be adverse to plastic-based fabrics in autistic communities.

I most often wear:

cotton/linen/canvas/denim
rayon/bamboo (plant based, do need to be a bit careful because people fake it, very loose “swishy” fabric)
hemp
real leather (“vegan leather” is literally plastic and i will fight people greenwashing calling it “vegan” and not the awful pleather it is.) (very difficult to find coats without nylon linings though.)

i like my AMD ATI Radeon RX 5600. after I figured out it has a tiny tiny TINY hidden physical overclock switch they don’t ever mention for some godforsaken reason (which is put “on” by default, also for some godforsaken reason) to turn off, it’s the most stable graphics card i’ve ever used.
…i just recommend turning off the tiny evil hidden crash switch of doom.

amd in general is pretty chill on linux for a large portion of people.

This was during that brief period where it wasn’t really in vogue to hate minorities that openly, ha.

I legit knew a repub irl that baldly admitted to thinking like this.

(Old family friend, used to be the adults’ way of saying they were accepting of other political beliefs. “You can make friends/marriages across the aisle work, if you’re just patient and tolerant” kind of self-aggrandizement. Cue the guy bullying his liberal wife into voting repub for years and eventually ditching her on a whim after controlling her entire life… at this point even my “tolerant” family was fed up with him and had been sticking around only to keep the wife company, and her poor kids.)

One minor example (of many) of what appeared to be hypocrisy on the surface:
Railing against the welfare system, nonstop unprompted for years, and then when he lost his job he sat on it for as long as possible before he was forced to find a job. It wasn’t that he was struggling to find a job, he didn’t even attempt to try until the deadline was pending. He was proud of “abusing the system.”

I wouldn’t even criticize him for it if he hadn’t spent years talking about how people who ever used welfare were lazy and selfish. But he was the laziest and most selfish person I have ever spent any meaningful amount of time with. He’s a big reason I don’t tolerate entertaining republicans.

If that man had a rule he could bend or break, even if it hurt others, maybe especially if it hurt others, he would and feel no regret or remorse. He thought it was mostly amusing to torment people. His kids especially. And his dog.

He’s not the only republican I’ve met that thinks like him. Just the most careless. Said too many quiet parts out loud.

It’s not hypocrisy to him. You’re absolutely right, it’s just them telling on themselves as to what to expect from them if they have the space to. Any leniency in the systems exist to be abused, and too often many of them are too happy to.

I do commiserate with the feeling that communicating anything takes a lot of energy and deliberateness to get across what one would actually like to, without compromising values. It’s part of why I wouldn’t mind finding some autistic friends, it’s been exhausting to have had this expected of me by default for so long.

I think surety in ones’ own sense of self takes time and introspection like you are doing now. I used to struggle more with being afraid of not “really” being autistic, bipolar etc, but time has showed me that I was right and trusting myself when it comes to myself is the smart thing to do. It’s possible you could get a sense of closure in that regard, in time, as well.

But even if you don’t, taking it tongue-in-cheek and keeping introspective means you’re growing, and that’s always a good thing ^^

I heard some advice a while back that was along the lines of, “stop apologizing and start thanking,” and I feel like it’s positively impacted how I phrase things.

Instead of asking forgiveness and moving the conversation into them feeling they have to defend their values on the spot, showing gratitude for their understanding actually makes people feel more valued. “Thank you for your patience” is an entirely different vibe than “sorry I didn’t get back to you” and puts much less burden on them. It shows you care about their time without making the focus about your failings and whether or not they agree they are failings.

It’s subtle, but I find it’s made a huge difference for me.

I also agree with others, in my experience apologies should be reserved for regret and actual feelings of penitence. It’s actually a very strong value of mine nowadays, and it certainly makes me much healthier.

Just some thoughts about what I’ve learned about this particular situation, it’s up to you how valid you think they are.

keep on truckin’ yourself. ^^

It’s not a verbatim quote. It’s sardonic, derived from the introduction.

I do not like being called “particularly vulnerable to the impact of traumatic events,” ha. Even if they are utilizing that phrasing primarily for kids and young adults, and hedge it in tentativeness, it genuinely is not a dissimilar wordage to people who had been abusive to me during those periods of my life.

I wasn’t particularly vulnerable to the impact, I was in a crap situation trapped with people who deeply did not understand me, that had complete power over me. That would be bad for anyone.

It’s not a critique of the article as a whole. More of a pet peeve on how many people frame approaching autism, even without any malignant intention. I don’t hold any ill will against the researchers, I’m just tired.

==

I agree with the conclusion of your shared article that people have a tendency to frame perceptiveness as “too sensitive,” twisting a genuine strength into a bad thing to undermine your own critical thinking.

I also want to state somehow that I appreciate the pure good faith way you approached my original comment ha, keep doing what you’re doing.

And I said “probably.” I didn’t misrepresent them.

If it is the first go-to speculation, it is fairly representative of the default of what they assume could be valid, and it’s annoying. That the automatic primary speculation is that minorities are “just sensitive” should be challenged. Tentative couching of that prognosis does not excuse them from review.

I realize you did not state this as your position, and I do not expect you to defend it as your own, but I’d very much prefer to stave off any implication.

“People who are discriminated against have more stress and PTSD. This probably is because they are more sensitive.”

Sigh.

their “hello fellow kids” energy works better for their goofy insignificant patch notes than it does for combating bad PR.

i was very on the fence about keeping it installed on a potato windows laptop i don’t use for much else. this article absolutely convinced me fully not to. they could not have written a worse case for themselves if they had tried.

they have stated they even intend to try getting anticheat on macs as soon as possible. even if it is not possible, (which seems likely to me, considering the ecosystem?) their argument for axing linux could easily be used to just ditch macs. "we don’t know how to secure it, and there were only 800 players [on a random, cherry picked day.]"

having a section in which they claim there are zero false positives is delusional. that’s not how technology works. there will literally always be bugs, glitches, edge cases.

they claim they can currently read stuff in user mode, so it’ll be essentially analogous in invasiveness, and it’s straight bullshit.

this is several degrees of trust beyond “can read stuff in user mode when running”
this is “can read anything in user mode, in admin mode, on all other users on your computer, can restrict your bios and hardware, and has full potential to have permanent root access to any user or system you install in the future”

either they do not understand what they are implementing, which is a really bad sign for trusting them with it,
or they know exactly what they are doing and lying about it, which is another really bad sign for trusting them with it.

i’m gonna be honest, if they had taken the hardline “we know it’s more invasive, but we need this” and kept it straight, i might have kept playing. it’s the only multiplayer competitive game i have anymore.

but the ad hominem attacks in here, the calls to the “angry twitter mobs,” the disingenuous and extremely loose way they play with the truth, (it’s not running all the time! well, it is, but we don’t really think it should count) that in just a few paragraphs has burned any goodwill i had towards them. they are weaponizing their own playerbase to cannibalize themselves and attack their friends for having legitimate concerns about degrees of personal invasion and that’s unconscionable. that disgusts me more than the crappy implementation and the cavalier attitude ever could.

props to them, i guess, for making the only choice to be to quit a game i played happily for about a decade.

look up number. type out entire script for the conversation. make the script encompass absolutely anything that can happen in the call. come back to it in a few days. high energy day, find the place i typed my script and the number. triple check the number. call the number, follow the script. make sure to put off any immediate plan demands during the call to minimum two weeks out.

that’s my process. i only run into problems if i have to rush things. but planning my life around avoiding other peoples’ rushes and emergencies works for the most part. it does require me to know extensively more about the systems i am calling than the people operating the systems to make a proper script, but the research is not typically a problem for me… it just takes time.

usually if i follow this process and cover about 90% of topics in my script i can handle one or two issues.

“get indie gaming” and nitrorad on youtube sometimes. occasional random youtubes that use games as a step to talk about psychology or societal issues.

steam recommendations. “new” section of steam. searching “necromancer” and “villain protagonist” on steam obsessively every few months.
one of my steam friends is also into weird indies so i look at the shit she wishlists.

checking out my huge itch bundles. (they do bundles of like, a hundred games at a time, and i like playing baby’s first games ha.) sometimes just browsing itch, they have a lot of sick queer games and books.
checking out humble bundles.

Rain World! It has “endings” but the fact that it’s sort of got a strange nature simulator / documentary vibe can kind of make it like a very difficult terrarium (that you’re also living in) at times. The endings are also very much not required and can be totally ignored lmao.

I love exploring and befriending critters and just the movement system is like nothing else. Creatures living their lives totally independent from me is such a cool aspect I haven’t seen done anywhere else quite on the same level. Just the emotions system of the scavs alone is so interesting to learn about! I love how it looks! I love how it taught me that failure doesn’t matter and enjoying the journey can be beautiful. I love how you are at your most powerful when you are “most weak” (losing all of your, we’ll call it “health” means death is completely consequence-free, and you can just experiment and scout freely and it’s so fun to me.) You sort of make your own stories as you go along and I think it’s neat.

Also I love bugs and insects. It’s got a lot of 'em.

I use listal.com

It’s not exactly a game collector site and it’s kind of flooded with softcore porn and creeps, but no one bothers me doing my own thing, either. I can track movies, shows, and games there and I like how it’s setup, and I can make as many lists as I want. Easy for me to add stuff, too.

You can also track books there but I use other sites for that (librarything primarily, atm.)

I’ve thought about making my own list-software to my specifications but that’s definitely a pipe dream atm. I love making lists.

For the forseeable future, unless someone is committed enough to making Darling work.
(Mac layer instead of Windowz, the mac version does not and will not have vanguard.)