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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/WeOddAbabyEatsAboi on 2024-11-07 19:54:21+00:00.

So, obligatory, this happened about 6mos ago. I was working in sales for a fire suppression/sprinkler company. An apartment complex contacted me for our services. The complex was across state lines, so I took my time getting authorization to go quote the place. About a week. My boss finally said, “Fuck it, get up there.”

So I drive about two hours, head in and meet the (very attractive) property manager. She’s already not pleased by the amount of time it took me to get out there. And now I have to shit, fiercely. She slowly walks me around the first few buildings, showing me what they need serviced, at one point showing me their furnished “model” apartment & the initiating devices inside. I’m in agony. FINALLY, she says, “Alright, you got it from here?” “Yes ma’am!”

I immediately grab my notebook & power walk my ass straight back to that model apartment. All the interior doors have been taken off the hinges and removed. Fuck. I run back to the exterior door & lock the knob AND deadbolt. Whew. I then yank my flat-front chinos down to my ankles & almost crack the bowl with the pressure I’m handling business. Then it occurs to me, “What if she comes to show this model?” Fuck. I’m now sweating even more. I look down to see no toilet paper on the spindle. Fuck. So I pull my trousers up to my knees & waddle to the kitchen where I see a roll of paper towels. Jackpot. Back to the bathroom, wipe my ass, flush. Whew. Go to wash my hands, no water leading to that sink. No soap either. Ew. Creep back out to the kitchen where I see the same roll of paper towels AND a bottle of Dawn dish soap! Jackpot again. I’m going to get away with this!

I wash my hands and am trying to cool off as quick as I can for fear of seeing this woman again. I shut the faucet off, but I still hear water running. I back up from the kitchen sink, see that my boots are wet & there’s soapy water pouring out of the cabinets. I rip the cabinets open to see no garbage disposal, no drain pipe, no p-trap, nothing. Water is literally just pouring through the sink. I’m now on my hands & knees, in a nice shirt & pants, trying to soak up a gallon of soapy water & poo particles with maybe 12-15 paper towels. I get as much as I can & head for the pantry. No trashcan. FUCK. I open the sink cabinet back up & fling this wad of soapy wet paper towels in there & scram.

I walk the entire property as quickly as I can & get the fuck outta there. I get back to my office & draw this woman up a quote. Zap it over to her. A week goes by, zap it over to her again. A month goes by, zap it over. Crickets. Ghosted.

Last, but certainly not least, I was let go from the team for having the lowest sales for the past two quarters. Bruh.

TL;DR I power bomb shit in a model apartment & likely caused significant water damage in the kitchen. Didn’t close the sale & then got fired.