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“but let’s be honest, who cares what some film nerd thinks when Metacritic and Rotten Tomatoes can objectively”
Do you even know what “objectively” means?
It’s a piece of satire, they were being hyperbolic.
You realise the article is written sarcastically? It’s taking the piss out of people who’d base their decision on whether to watch a piece of media purely on a convenient numerical score. People that see 50% on Rotten Tomatoes and take it as an objective truth.
I fear for the soul of the person who read this and thought “yup this is all normal ways to feel”
