This is so cynical and absurd I kind of expect it to happen. Late stage capitalism, yay.
this post was submitted on 19 Jul 2024
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“Your computer might be fucked or whatever. Maybe do some shit about it. Brought to you by Carl’s Jr. We love you.”
Don't forget Brawndo, it's what computers crave.
"You seem to have no idea what this screen means. You might be interested in McAfee."
How would you even understand what the screen means if it doesn't tell you this anymore
Read the post body. It's two sentences.
That's not related to what I meant, I meant that the BSOD in its current state doesn't show anything useful; some generic error, a QR code leading to a generic page, a code that still doesn't let you find more than “I had a BSOD”...
So hypothetically McAfee dating “You don't seem to know what this screen means [..]” is ironic, as I don't think anybody does since Win 8.
Carl's Jr has determined you are unfit to operate a computer. Your data is now the sole property of Carl's Jr. Carl's Jr: Fuck you! I'm eating.
Brought to you by ~~Carl’s Jr~~COSTCO. We love you.
ftfy
Their most popular page, a goldmine of opportunity.
Too bad bluescreened computers likely won't report back viewership stats
(It's a joke, I know that the very existence of a bluescreen literally means that the processor has not hung but it has been detected that proceeding to run userspace code might result in undefined behavior; the network stack might remain functional throughout)
Microsoft would do anything to keep the statcounting service running more stable than the kernel itself
Ring -1 proprietary telemetry! Yay!
*Microsoft pushes UEFI-level telemetry as part of the Secure Boot requirements for Windows 12*
dear user.
thank you for your report.
please be assured that even in the event of a bsod, windows will still report metrics back to microsoft so long as the system drive is operational for use as temporary storage of that data until the next successful windows boot.
new OOB ad metrics reporting will also be added to intel ime and amd psp in future processors in order to further address your concern.
-microsoft support
It's a joke, I know that the very existence of a bluescreen literally means that the processor has not hung but it has been detected that proceeding to run userspace code might result in undefined behavior. The hard drive remains in use but this relies on a subsequent successful Windows boot (good luck). In case of bootlooping kiosks, the company's IT crew will probably just pull useful data off the drive and revert it to the known good installation.
If the BSOD happens on a running PC, networking will probably continue working. With a bootloop, it depends on whether the network stack initialization has progressed far enough before the crash.
I dunno. Kernels can dump the memory pages and whatnot, surely they could throw in which ad got served at the time too. I’m sure someone up at Microsoft is smart enough to figure it out.
I would imagine stats could be somehow stored and sent off once the problem is resolved
Steve Jobs would have bought that ad space
Alternative universe: In order to pay back Microsoft for saving them from bankruptcy, Apple buys up ad space on Windows BSODs.
I remember back in the day before browsers had much in the way of protection, and ads could do basically whatever they wanted on your computer. I distinctly remember seeing ads back in the 2000s that would go fullscreen and emulate a BSOD, with a number to call a fake Microsoft Support.
They still do this
They can't show things outside of your browser window, anymore, which is what those ads did
If there's a click it is able to fullscreen. But yes its slightly more manageable.
CrowdStrike incident happened too soon. Could have made serious money...
Imagine the incentives tho. It's free real estate, but how would they sell it to advertisers? "Here's some ad space, but we work really hard to make sure users see it as rarely as possible."
But if they do manage to sell it, the dev team then has this wacky incentive to trigger BSODs often enough to hit revenue targets, but rarely enough that they don't drive away their user base. As another commenter put it, cynical and absurd, but... I mean, there's a universe where it could happen... hopefully it's not this one.
we work really hard to make sure users see it as rarely as possible
That's what Microsoft says but everyone knows people will see a BSOD once in a while. Also, Bing searches that the user gets linked to for errors in various Microsoft software do contain ads too.
The amount of conspiracy theories would be unreal
Msft could always use it to push Bing or their AI. Microsoft Office? Game pass? Not the most logically sound advertising cause users are likely to be pissed during a bsod but I think I’d bet real money that they focus group it down the line.
Bummer! You have backups, right? Try OneDrive today!
Upgrade to Windows 11 today!
Or
Microsoft Word has periodic automatic saving!
Are some I could see in a dystopian future
They can barely show useful information on that screen, how they can show ads?
For example, the qr code is completely useless - you would expect to send the user to a page that explains the problem or even just search the error string on Bing, but no, it sends to a placeholder page that doesn't say anything useful
There is no profit motive in making bluescreens more useful.
That's where the innovation could happen. It could take users to a page that prompts them to download Microsoft Edge for mobile and then does nothing else
Sounds like the perfect place to run ads for Starbucks (or painkillers in countries where you can legally advertise for drugs online).
"Your system is fucked. Scan this code for 15% off! Might as well, it's gonna be a loooong day. Toodeloo!"
Don't give the motherfuckers ideas.
They are already kinda doing this. The QR code resolves to http://www.windows.com/stopcode, which has a Microsoft 365 ad (who would have guessed?)
Edit: the pic I scanned was old, they have since changed it to "https" to close a trivial MITM attack vector for tech support scam websites.
BSOD?
Blue Screen Of Death.
Don't give them ideas 🙏
lol, you might. others might.
i haven't used windows in decades.
As a fellow Linux user, I never look at Windows computers' screens (or photos thereof) /s
I really haven’t
I rather wouldn't but some are quite involuntary (pic by me)
Ah how about GRUB Rescue?
You probably know what a BSOD is
You can go back to the dark place you came from. I'm sure ads on the BSOD are in the works