this post was submitted on 30 Aug 2023
254 points (96.7% liked)

Movies and TV Shows

1 readers
2 users here now

General discussion about movies and TV shows.

Spoilers are strictly forbidden in post titles.

Posts soliciting spoilers (endings, plot elements, twists, etc.) should contain [spoilers] in their title. Comments in these posts do not need to be hidden in spoiler MarkDown if they pertain to the title's subject matter.

Otherwise, spoilers but must be contained in MarkDown as follows:

::: your spoiler warning
the crazy movie ending that no one saw coming!
:::

Your mods are here to help if you need any clarification!

Subcommunities: The Bear (FX) - [!thebear@lemmy.film](/c/thebear @lemmy.film)

Related communities: !entertainment@beehaw.org !moviesuggestions@lemmy.world

founded 1 year ago
MODERATORS
admin@lemmy.film
254
Union Lets Tom Cruise Act During Strike From Fear Of What He’ll Do When He Can’t Make Movies (www.theonion.com)
submitted 1 year ago by HotSoda@hexbear.net to c/moviesandtv@lemmy.film
19 comments fedilink hide all child comments
 

“You can tell there is an unrelenting darkness within him that can only be exorcised by jumping a motorcycle into a canyon or parachuting out of a plane in semi-orbit—and none of us wants to find out where that energy would be redirected were he not able to spend 17 hours a day performing stunts for a camera crew."

top 19 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[–] ricecooker@sh.itjust.works 93 points 1 year ago (1 children)

The freakin Onion got me for a sec!

[–] li10@feddit.uk 4 points 1 year ago

Wasn’t until I got to “unrelenting darkness” that I noticed

[–] Console_Modder@sh.itjust.works 58 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Came real close to biting the onion on this one.

However, you all fear what Cruise will do when he isn't constantly performing near-suicidal stunts. I fear what Scientology will do when they lose their main cash cow

[–] AllNewTypeFace@leminal.space 4 points 1 year ago

Who’s the second most bankable celebrity Scientologist? Travolta’s a bit too old, though perhaps we’ll see a rash of prestige-TV roles pushing him as an elder statesman figure. Beyond that, they’d have to make Beck cut a chart-topping EDM album or something, or else start recruiting YouTube influencers to have a chance with the next generation.

[–] comfortable_doug@hexbear.net 41 points 1 year ago (1 children)

lol but honestly I thought it was true before checking the source

[–] sadreality@kbin.social 8 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Ya... It felt right for some weird reason

[–] cubedsteaks@lemmy.today 1 points 1 year ago

I mean, the guy is a maniac.

[–] VentraSqwal@links.dartboard.social 30 points 1 year ago

Glad to see The Onion's still got it lol

[–] vlad76@lemmy.sdf.org 15 points 1 year ago

We ate the onion.

[–] cthonctic@kbin.social 11 points 1 year ago

"Unrelenting darkness within him"? I thought that's why Uncle Xenu installed his Thetan pump so those can be sucked out like some sort of anti-midichlorians.

[–] pastermil@sh.itjust.works 8 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

I'd totally believe this story!

Good job, Onion!

[–] duxbellorum@lemm.ee 8 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Whoops, my breath smelling like onions today…

[–] HotSoda@hexbear.net 7 points 1 year ago

Tastes good. Onions back on the menu.

[–] TaleOfSam@kbin.social 6 points 1 year ago

I got got on this one, holy shit

[–] blackluster117@possumpat.io 5 points 1 year ago

Totally ate the onion on this one, but then it got me thinking of a giant Tom Cruise shooting lasers from his eyes and wrecking DC. Hmmm...

[–] fernandofig@reddthat.com 4 points 1 year ago

LOL. As I was reading the summary, I thought "man, this reads like an article from The Onion". And sure enough, it is!

[–] Yewb@kbin.social 2 points 1 year ago

Tom cruise is a horcrux prove me wrong.

[–] relative_iterator@sh.itjust.works 2 points 1 year ago

Where’s Shelly Tom?!

[–] riesendulli@discuss.tchncs.de 1 points 1 year ago

Duh, Scientology will fup their lives