Ask Lemmy

I’ve felt the hate rise up in me…

Drugs

I overcame one of my hardest by doing more for myself, by myself, than I would have with her around. I gave up a lot to be with her, and after the break up, I decided to embrace the circumstances and strive for success despite her. I did it to prove that my life would have ended up worse with her than it turned out to be without her.

I have a similar situation going on but between siblings. My siblings are ghosting me for issues about me they had been keeping in, which leaves me with no contacts since our last parent has passed away (we're not that old if that helps with context, I'm 24) and I have no nearby friends (solid friends, my chaotic elderly aunts who will all have moved in with me by the end of the month don't count, and neither do coworkers who either don't get along with anyone or in the case of my boss just doesn't click). There are whole days in the past month where I've gone without uttering a single word because there's nobody to communicate with and get something out of. If I were to cry at the end of such a day, it would be the most noise I ever made in a day, which makes it a common thought. And in my exact situation, nothing else, even things that seem like it would help if anything was different, does. I couldn't imagine there being a universal way of dealing with it, but the closest I have to my own equivalent is withdrawal.

I feel you. My ex-fiancee broke up with me on Thanksgiving while we were driving home. it will sting, but you have to accept that it happened first before anything else. You can't control others, so even though it might have come out of nowhere, you can't blame yourself entirely.

Consider and think critically about any reasons they told you to decide if it's something you need change. Think about the relationship itself and if you were content. My ex broke up with me for being unable to constantly mask my autism, seemed to feel bad for it after realizing the same thing, and then truly ended the relationship after I forgot to clean a dish 2 months later. Like yea, I definitely need to be better about remembering to do dishes, but I will never apologize for being autistic. Could you believe that I wasn't content in a relationship where my partner would get upset at me for reasons I don't understand? By the time I moved out of the apartment in March, I was already done grieving. Imo, if someone you thought you could marry breaks up suddenly and with little reason, they were too disrespectful to deserve you.

Finally, after the fallout, you need to rediscover who you are for yourself. You've likely been emotionally reliant on that person, which is ok, but now you need to sort out who you are after growing from that relationship. I've been going for long walks every day, listening to audiobooks. I've been reconnecting with college friends who I lost touch with during the relationship. I chose to treat myself with an expensive gadget. I've been leaning into my activism. You get to choose for you and yourself what to do with your free time, with no reason to coordinate with someone that may be uninterested.

No clue. Doesn't really seem like there is a definitive solution...

In my experience, it heals with time. Your job is to make that time as tolerable as possible. I've never experienced the kind of heartbreak that lasts potentially several months, but whenever it's happened to me, I just dive into watching a lot of tv series, movies, playing video games. Anything to distract myself from the pain. Eventually you'll start to get some perspective as time passes, and that's the point where you can stop distracting yourself and actually start accepting the situation.

I always wanted a life partner, someone I can share everything with, even back in my early teens. After the two very hard break-ups with my cheating ex girlfriends - one of the two relationships went on for almost a decade too and almost drove me into suicide, or worse - I decided to just not bother with relationships anymore, platonic or romantic. It's like I'm a magnet for abusive people and too gullible to handle them, since despite my jealousy that I kept eating up (which in hindsight was unfortunately always warranted and I should've listened to it) I tried to believe them, not wanting to lose them. So now I make sure I shut myself off from everyone to never fall for anyone ever again. What I can say, despite how much it hurts in the beginning, the pain itself will subside with time, so you should just give yourself that and as much as you need. Distractions can help in the intermediate period, but you will also want to make some room to properly process things. Otherwise it'll haunt you.

Direct my energy and attention to all the me things that got swept aside when I was with them. You have fewer distractions now. Go get those things done you've been putting off!

I use the Cave Johnson defense.

Grindr's been a big help.

Talk with friends. Get some support and/or sympathy.

Love, Robot/Paris - Rain

It's a duet. The lead singers of the two bands used to date. They never publicly said this, but I suspect it was about their breakup, and how messy and complicated breaking up with someone you love can be.

Same as I deal with everything. Alcohol. Lots of it.

Booze and hookers

Listen to sad music, focus on hating myself for failure, self harm, drugs and booze.

Alcohol, food and isolate from everyone. Plus never trusting anyone.