I always wanted a life partner, someone I can share everything with, even back in my early teens. After the two very hard break-ups with my cheating ex girlfriends - one of the two relationships went on for almost a decade too and almost drove me into suicide, or worse - I decided to just not bother with relationships anymore, platonic or romantic. It’s like I’m a magnet for abusive people and too gullible to handle them, since despite my jealousy that I kept eating up (which in hindsight was unfortunately always warranted and I should’ve listened to it) I tried to believe them, not wanting to lose them. So now I make sure I shut myself off from everyone to never fall for anyone ever again. What I can say, despite how much it hurts in the beginning, the pain itself will subside with time, so you should just give yourself that and as much as you need. Distractions can help in the intermediate period, but you will also want to make some room to properly process things. Otherwise it’ll haunt you.