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My week has been great! I went to a drag brunch today and needed to figure out what outfit to wear. I found a little goth dress that I bought many years ago when I was firmly in the closet, which had made me dysphoric back then because it didn’t fit. Today I tried it on, and it fit great! I received many compliments, and it was super fun to celebrate pride in my local community.
I hope you’re all having a great week, too!
i have slowly assembled some makeup and i’m tryna figure out these smokey eye tutorials but i feel weird about it so also working on that internalized self loathing. I put some lipstick on and i liked the doing of it and weirdly the flavor and it made me chuckle to leave like lipstick prints on the coffee cup but i didn’t like my face with just the lipstick on way too masculine. I put the lovely red polish on my thumb a week agoand it makes me feel nice to see it so experiments will continue.
things are generally nice until i see my face in the mirror then it’s hard not to feel sad. So i’m trying to come up with some daily affirmations to rewire my wetware any suggestions are welcome so far I am stuck
edit: squinting crosseyed at your other eyeball while trying to keep your eyelid still and then do the equivalent of model painting with a tiny little brush is goddamn difficult
I hear that! Ive given makeup a try a couple times and its difficult! But it can really change your appearance when you do it! I tell myself ill get better, just need practice !
Acute suicide prevention helplines always seem so weird to me. Like, I’ve had sucidal thoughts for over a decade, either I’m more or less immune to acting on them now, or Ill discover one day that I’m not. Either way, a helpline doesn’t seem useful. (TO ME. In my specific case. Very much not in general. Not out here pretending that the way things are for me is the way things are for everyone.)
I really enjoy the mental image of my coworkers sitting around frustrated saying things like “why is pix always missing these meetings?” And then having a comedy hard cut to my slowly swinging corpse. I’m not in danger, antidepressants are working well, unfortunately suicidal ideation has been conditioned into me as a response to stress. Like sure, it would be nice to not have to deal with everything causing me problems, but I can deal with em and with the antidepressants I don’t get the massive mood crash that makes it dangerous.
I played both “A Plague Tale” games this week and god damn are they intense and emotional. I’ve always been sensible to games like these and would cry a bit and I don’t know if it’s the estrogen but this time I cried a lot.
internet was only up maybe for 5% of the time since thursday. google sent in like the fourth tech this morning to replace the fiber coil a second time, it’s almost 12 hours later so far so good.
but it was a real fuckin’ frustrating time being apart from my friends.
I accidentally pulled an all nighter watching anime last night, so I went to bed at… 8 am? Felt good to do that.
And then today I got in my car to go get groceries and found myself with a tire suddenly about half the PSI it should be at, completely out of the blue. So I’ll find out wtf is up with that tomorrow when a local place opens for the week (probably just a random pointy bit of road junk and bad luck)
i think i’m starting to unravel my attachment issues and the reasons i pull away from those i love
