I am chronically online. I don’t feel like I have the skills to make new friends as a 30 year old who is on track to have a child this year.
I never want to socialize. I don’t like being around people. I can’t tell if I’m normal or not. I am a social guy - when I’m in the office or at family events. But it’s the opposite of my idea of a good time. It’s just stressful and tiring.
My #1 fantasy is that the world is empty and devoid of people. While I’m sure I’d get lonely, I feel like I’d manage.
I also hate “being perceived”. Not a big fan of being seen. It just stresses me out to know other people are aware of my existence. I think I assume people are judging me and it makes me self conscious. So it’s easier to be alone.
I hate being seen as well. The worst thing is when someone sees me having fun, though. I don’t think it’s a problem to hate socializing at events where there’s not much of anything going on. That’s easy to get sick of.
As long as there’s some desire to do your hobbies and maybe once in a while do them with people who you’re close with, I see no problem.
Me: I MUST NOT BE AUTISTIC EVERYTHING IS GREAT
Someone: small talks me
Me: OH GOD I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT I’M DOING AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
I do not appreciate being called out like this.
I’m not autistic, but this still describes me pretty well.
I hosted an in person meet up of strangers today for 3 hours. You have to work it like a muscle. Also, drugs help.
I am very much like this, though. You have to want it enough. How do you want it, you ask? Dopamine detox.
Edit: I just realized I posted this useless advice to the autism community. This probably will work for socially awkward shut ins, not autistic people. Sorry for the confusion.
Also, drugs help.
In my experience, if I feel like doing drugs in any situation, I more than likely should not be in that situation because I am overloading my system, either sensory (e.g too loud) or analytical processing (e.g. too confusing). That, or I’m generally overwhelmed and need to evaluate my current life to see what could be pushing me beyond my comfort limits.
Funny edit, btw!
Yeah, I get that as well. I think most people have some kind of sensory ick. Mine is definitely overstimulation in a public environment. Sure, some drugs are not good for that type of problem, but others are. Not that I am condoning drugs as a necessary solution.
Have you found any methods for coping with the system overload?
As for the edit, I am trying to remain self aware and non opinionated. Hopefully my ratio improves. I am a pleaser haha.
Mine is definitely overstimulation in a public environment. Sure, some drugs are not good for that type of problem, but others are.
For me, alcohol and opiates work great at being able to sustain the overstimulation in the moment. However, they both have decisive disadvantages to me. With alcohol, I can no longer drive and might be stuck there until someone can take me home. I will also likely get a terrible hang over the next day, and there’s a good chance I will make stupid decisions that I will eventually regret. I was prescribed opioids for a while once due to a painful medical condition. During this time, I noticed that I was able to not only endure overstimulation, but I was calmer in lots of situations that I normally would not have. The disadvantage is that it is highly addictive, and requires a prescription to use legally and relatively safely. THey kind of dulls happiness and other pleasurable feelings and sensations. Also, the feeling of the experience is fake because it is clouded and dependent on the opioid. “Perhaps I don’t like this loud concert even on opioids, I just like being on opioids and I’m misattributing the pleasure to the concert.” Both of these, alcohol and opioids, are terrible strategies in my experience.
One thing that works for me with overstimulation from social situations is a propranolol (blood pressure med) prescription from my psychiatrist. It helps my body calm down without affecting my mental clarity or providing any pleasurable feelings. This helps me engage and endure social situations better and longer, but I try not to rely on it unless I am feeling extra worked up.
As far as coping with system overload, I’m working with my autism therapist, but it seems that really the only way to manage this is to limit exposure and plan recovery rest. By limiting exposure, I either have to 1) avoid those situations, 2) be aware of myself and leave those situations before getting overwhelmed, or 3) find way to reduce the sensory impact (e.g. dulling the sensory stimulus). For the last one, here are some ideas that I found help me.
Be ready:
- I carry a backpack with all sorts of stuff almost everywhere I go just in case
Noise:
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ear plugs
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noise cancelling headphones and playlists of helpful music
Light:
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sunglasses
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darkest legal tint for my car
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if I have something planned that will be bright, close blinds at home so that I am fresh when I get exposed to light
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take breaks by going into dark areas as possible
Touch:
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light and loose clothing
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use of liquid fabric softener
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hoodies
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sneakers
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wearing shirts inside out at home
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showering when I feel dirty
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brushing my teeth first thing in the morning
Food:
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I don’t eat too much to avoid feeling slow, sleepy, and bloated
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have light snacks with me in case I get hungry: apples, bananas, tangerines, chips, crackers, etc.
Distractions to help cope:
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strong mints that I can place in my mouth and use for stealthy stimming. hard candy would work as well, tho not as distracting as mints.
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stimming gadgets: legit stimming toys, pens to take apart and reassemble, paper to fold into interesting shapes, etc.
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disconnect from the overwhelming thing (e.g. social situation) and engage in something in your environment you find interesting
Hmm, interesting what you said about misattributing the euphoria to the event and not the drug. That terrifies me that all events with alcohol are actually some kind of mass torture method that we need poison (ironically) to get through. That kind of sounds like hell lol.
I thought about propranolol, but saw that it was a beta blocker and decided not to risk it in case I had some heart thing. Wasn’t crazy about the warning that if you stop taking it suddenly, there could be serious side effects. I’m sure that’s only if you take it regularly, but I don’t want to chance it.
I keep thinking that it’s not socially acceptable to remove yourself and limit exposure, but then I remember that it’s the people in my life who see full immersion as normal and a requirement. Maybe I’ll try a stimming toy and see if I feel different. Like one other person said, having a role/job at an event or anywhere always takes some edge off. You ever hear of Kanna?
That terrifies me that all events with alcohol are actually some kind of mass torture method that we need poison (ironically) to get through. That kind of sounds like hell lol.
That’s what I learned through autism therapy. Until then, I just assumed the my sensory experience in bars/parties was like everyone else and just had somewhat of a drinking problem. Once I found out I was autistic and sought therapy, the therapist helped me realize that I was drinking to numb my senses and social anxiety. I was practically self-medicating. Now, when I go to environments like that and feel like drinking, it’s a sign that I need to leave because I am getting overwhelmed.
I thought about propranolol, but saw that it was a beta blocker and decided not to risk it in case I had some heart thing. Wasn’t crazy about the warning that if you stop taking it suddenly, there could be serious side effects. I’m sure that’s only if you take it regularly, but I don’t want to chance it
That makes sense, and I definitely do not want to give you any medical advice. However, I would like to clear up that since it’s a beta-blocker, it helps reduce blood pressure and heart rate. So for people like me that tend to have borderline high blood pressure, it helps me physically anyway. Also, the doses for helping calm anxiety are much lower than for blood pressure treatment. The dosage for hypertension is 80mg-240m/day. The dosage I take is 20mg as needed, which I’m currently taking around 3-4 times/week. I am not concerned about abrupt cessation since I don’t take it regularly enough for my body to accommodate it and have complications if I stop.
I keep thinking that it’s not socially acceptable to remove yourself and limit exposure, but then I remember that it’s the people in my life who see full immersion as normal and a requirement.
Yep! And maybe it’s only those people that think that way. If you were around autistic and autistic-friendly people, they would probably insist that you not immerse yourself to the point of being overwhelmed.
Maybe I’ll try a stimming toy and see if I feel different. Like one other person said, having a role/job at an event or anywhere always takes some edge off.
Stimming can help a bit, but sometimes I have to find socially acceptable ways so that I don’t make people feel uncomfortable. Imagine what an NT with limited exposure to autism would think if they saw a 40 y/o man in the corner repeating the same phrase and flapping his hands for 5 mins 😆. Another trick that helps me is to find ways to take sensory breaks. For example, going to the bathroom or a run to the store would be a socially acceptable way to take a break. Also, I hadn’t thought of it, but now that you say it, I too find that having a role/job at an event is helpful! It gives me something to focus on and an excuse to get out of social situations that feel uncomfortable. Thanks for pointing that out!
You ever hear of Kanna?
Nope. What is that??
I also got into this - from zero social to community organizer. The first two weeks getting back into ‘peopling’ I felt like some kind of creature who had just emerged from a cave: hideous, making weird noises and gestures, can’t cope with the light. A month in and it all comes more natural again. I think the hosting also does the trick. I hate being part of the public (unless maybe a classical concert where people are quiet) at any event, but give me some job and I’ll enjoy the shit out of it!
…hosted an in person meet up of strangers today for 3 hours
Fucking psychopath! Lol
I am like this even online lol
