A survival game is probably what you’re aiming for here. Someone has to host in those scenarios usually unless one of you pays for a dedicated server. I don’t have a ton of experience with the shooty kind. But Valheim, Vrising and Palworld were a lot of fun for about 20 to 30 hours each. Palworld had some shooter experiences.

I like these because it usually turns into a “let’s get things done together “ and everyone finds their tasks to do. Then you put it all together and you end up with a cool base you built together and have some pride in. Palworld again is the one with the lowest “violence” imo