Fear. I know it gets worse if I stop.
My dog
Spite.
Not even kidding.
i saw a picture with a bird and “i live to spite god”. this has been my prime motivator.
Was it a seagull? It was a seagull, wasn’t it?
it’s an Aldabra rail. an extinct bird which evolved itself back into existence.
Same, Can’t let life and others win just like that
The promise of mexican food.
Priorities
Honestly I don’t know, I give up on life time ago, then this last year I start “living” again by having a daily activies and job. But I deal with this like someone dead inside, I don’t feel any joy. I am not even looking for a goal. I see nothing in other people, I interact with then know that i get forget as soon the day end. I am just too scared to kill myself.
Have you considered you may be depressed?
I do, but I don’t think so.
Well, there could be something else going on too. Might be *worth talking to someone.
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Dying is hard
In my country it’s a process. You book it. My uncle did and left us on a Tuesday at 5pm exactly, surrounded by family.
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It feels nice to bike and feel the wind in your hair and huddle into your jacket keeping you warm. I also actively take breaks from playing video games to sit and feel intense gratitude and happiness toward the game. And oranges are absolutely delicious, and singing loud makes me feel alive.
I also like finding flowers in springtime (and putting them into my journal) and seeing/hearing great big flocks of crows in the autumn. Those are seasonal though, not a daily pleasure that keeps me going no matter what.
I just keep waking up and it keeps working
The Krebs cycle.
The crabs cycle - maybe I’ll spontaneously evolve into a crab, like all things do. Anything else & I’ll just continue to be a waste of space until I get a good enough excuse to not be.
I loved learning the Krebs cycle.
That makes one of us.
It used to be various substances but now it’s making sure my kid has all the happiness and love that I wish I had growing up and the smile on my wife’s face when she sees how happy I’ve become
obligation
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Debt to family members. If I pay them off, I’ll have a reason to keep living. If i decide to run or kill myself, then I’ll just be “a coward” and “selfish”.
But I’ve had bad luck my whole life. I hope I’ll be able to pay them off one day, but the idea of suicide has been crossing my mind daily. I’ve been unemployed since covid except for 1 job which lasted a month, and another job this December which may only last a month.
I am out of money. I just graduated university with a Bachelors Degree, and unlike most of my colleagues, I’ve been unable to get a job in the industry.
My school loans are coming to collect in January. My whole family is poor. I’m the realistic example of a poor person graduating with a degree. I’m stuck poor, and I will probably die poor.
Getting your first job after getting your degree is arguably the hardest time in your career. Just remember that it only takes one. Keep applying. Get help with your resume. Practicing interviewing and always have an appropriate outfit ready to go. You can do it.
I’m not saying it’s easy nor that you should be overly selective. Your struggles are valid and job seeking blows. But just keep trying. If others have been able to get a job in the industry, that’s a good sign. I know it can be hard to see and compre yourself against, but it does not mean you won’t follow.
Earning a degree is a major accomplishment and one you should be proud of. Loans can seem overbearing and stressful, but if they’re federal student loans, you can get on an income-based repayment plan to alleviate a lot of pressure. If you’re not generating income, the payment is usually $0. Very normal for new graduates and some people stay on them for a much longer time. Do not neglect these payments. Make sure to apply for this well before your first payment’s due date (probably now if your due date is January).
Just keep on trucking on. One day at a time. Your family cares enough to help you out and you’re in a tough spot. Keep trying to improve and it’s likely to happen. Lean on all of your contacts, friends, and personal drive.
Just remember that it only takes one.
This. You only have to win once.
I have applied for the income based payments, but I also have 2 other loans that were deemed “personal loans” which makes up the other half of all my loans.
I’m at over $100,000 USD in debt. If I don’t pay it, they’re going to come after my family members who cosigned, and they can’t afford to pay it either, so we’re all fucked if I don’t make payments.
BTW I was late on 1 payment and they slapped me with an additional $70 on my regular payment of $25. This is why I’ve thought about ending it. It won’t be my problem anymore and I won’t have to consider the consequences.
I’ll just be gone forever. But I also don’t want to do that to my family if I can help it.
Habit.
Not wanting to be homeless.
