My partner and I were out at the store grabbing some groceries. I needed more gum but I highly prefer the gum in a plastic box, with the flip lid. Not the plastic cups with the cubed gum, but the box with the sticks. I simply cringe with paper box containers for gum because everything can get squished in my purse. Well, we ended up getting the paper boxed gum because he didn’t understand that I didn’t have an actual reason for my preference, I just don’t like the paper boxes. I’m now all flustered and crying and I look like I’m pitching a fit but I’m aware it’s my ‘tism. He is very aware that I live with autism and so I think his ignorance of it in this moment hurts me more than anything else.
Thanks for listening.
On the more neurotypical side of things, in adults, crying is usually associated with being mentally or physically wounded in a bad way, not just frustrated. So a neurotypical partner will likely receive this as a red flag danger signal that requires immediate intervention. But from their perspective it is just gum which is not a big deal to them. This leaves them in the middle of a paradox of incompatible conclusions (emergency and just gum) that is likely to frustrate them as well (maybe a frustrated as you are they just show it differently).
If you can, share with them that you know that it is just gum and try to express to them that you know your reaction is abnormal but it is not something you can stop, and to please be patient while you fight this battle. Put it on a card in advance if you need to do you can give it to them without needing to talk. Knowing that you know you are giving what they see as an inappropriate social signal and are trying to fix it should help them by telling them you acknowledge that this isn’t a red flag emergency and that you are already trying to solve the problem but it will take time, so they know that they aren’t expected to have an immediate fix, and you acknowledge that then not being to fix it doesn’t mean that they are a bad partner.