It’s been 4 or 5 months since I lost the love of my life that I spent over a decade with and I feel like it happened yesterday. I cannot, for any reason, go more than 5 minutes without thinking about her. I don’t see the light. I don’t see anything in this world that brings me joy or expect to ever again. Sometimes it feels like every day that passes I get worse instead of better. I’m laying in my new house and I should be happy to have so many people that support me and the fact that I even have a house to begin with, but instead I’m just looking at my pistols. I feel like I want out, and I don’t know what’s kept me from doing it so far, because all I do is cry and want to sleep and feel like shit. I work, I go home, I stare at YouTube videos my brain isn’t even actually processing because I’m just thinking about her. Even at the gym my brain just won’t get off of it. Even at work it doesn’t stop. I’m just so tired and I don’t remember the last time I genuinely smiled from being happy about anything, every new day feels like Mt Everest without a Sherpa. I’ve had other very difficult breakups, but they don’t even show up on the chart next to the pain I’m feeling every day from this one.

I’m just so fucking tired.

Edit: I’m at work and can’t respond to everyone right now, but I still wanted to read the comments. I really appreciate you Internet strangers, even if I don’t really feel better right now, it’s fucking cool that you people are trying to help someone you’ll likely never meet. ❤️

Edit 2: I’ve been moving after every 8 hour shift at work (I work Friday through Tuesday) and I’m so tired and overwhelmed, I will eventually respond to every one of you kind souls!

  • Rayquetzalcoatl@lemmy.worldEnglish
    2·
    1 month ago

    I’m really sorry to know that you’re going through pain. I can’t say anything to take that pain away. But you are cared about and valued. You’re not alone, even if it feels that way sometimes. Things will get easier, you know that, but that doesn’t make this present moment any easier. There’s no timeline for when you’ll feel better, but you will feel better if you give it time.

    I hope you can find some peace, and I hope you can be happy, healthy, and free from suffering 🙏

        • JokeDeity@sh.itjust.worksOPEnglish
          1·
          1 month ago

          Actually a really great idea, maybe once I’m settled into the new house and have my life not in a mountain of totes. 😀

            • JokeDeity@sh.itjust.worksOPEnglish
              1·
              1 month ago

              Absolutely, but add in the fact that I’m still actively in the move, while working every day, and depressed as hell most of the time I’m awake. It may be a while before things get really unpacked. Most likely literally and figuratively.

              • Rayquetzalcoatl@lemmy.worldEnglish
                2·
                1 month ago

                You’re right, it may be a while - but you will get there.

                You will be settled, and you’ll be finished with the move; every long day of working and then moving is progress! You’re doing great, and you’ve got long days to get through right now but that won’t last forever!