• ArtieShaw@fedia.io
    19·
    22 days ago

    Back when I had dreams and aspirations, I had a working title for a book called “Universal Solvent, My Ass.” It would have been fun.

    • southsamurai@sh.itjust.worksEnglish
      23·
      22 days ago

      You know, my wife had something similar happen.

      Years ago, she fell in love with a unique parrot at a pet store. The shop owner talked her into buying it by showing all the tricks it could do. It had the usual, like “sing pretty”, “step up” and the like, but its best trick was biting things. The shop owner held out a broomstick and said “crunch bird, broomstick”, and the bird flies let and snaps the stick square in two.

      So, this wonderful woman of mine spends two grand on the bird, plus extras for the gear it needs.

      She brings it home, and has it biting all the things. “Crunch bird, coconut.” “Crunch bird, can of soup.” 'Crunch bird, bricks." Just everything she could get this ugly, giant bird to bite.

      I come home and there’s crunched up crap all over the house and I ask her what the fuck happened. She introduces the bird, says his name is Harvey, and he’s a crunch bird. I’m furious, and say “crunch bird, my ass!”.